My Grown-Up Christmas List

I've heard the song before, and dozens of artists have recorded it, but this year I seem to hear it more than ever. I finally decided that perhaps it was my heart that was willing the song to me...like it was something that finally helped me put words to some of the desires of my heart. The song, as obvious as it may be, is called "My Grown-Up Christmas List." I love the words, and the melody is one of those songs that feels warm and soothing, like remembering times when I was little and my mom would cozy up with me in the rocking chair. It just about makes me cry every time I hear it, but in a way that I know healing is on the way. This song is starting to help my heart find a voice.

Here is My Grown-Up Christmas List:

No more lives torn apart

and wars would never start

and time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend

and right would always win

and love would never end.

I would like to add to that list a heart filled with peace, hope, and joy, courage to face change with a positive attitude, wisdom and discernment to pursue the right direction, patience and grace for when I or others make mistakes, prayer for me and for those I love, and the ability to put love first in most circumstances. If I could add one more request to my Christmas list I would ask that perhaps more people would share these wishes on "my list."

Christmas blessings!

In Everything Give Thanks

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." ~1 Chronicles 16:34

Today is a bittersweet day, looking back on years of tradition and knowing that even though many of the motions were the same, the traditions are different now...and will change again. Recently as I was driving, thinking about all I've learned in the word and through Him, I was reminded of several verses of thanksgiving...being grateful for trials, being thankful in all circumstances, etc. I started to laugh as I felt the Lord nudge me and whisper "Well, I guess you sure have a lot to be thankful for!!" I am learning why I am supposed to be glad for hard times, for troubles, and for loss. It all brings me closer in faith, to Him, to my loved ones, to my soul. Even though I hope to never experience a year like this AGAIN, I am thankful, especially today, for God's joy, patience, persistence, His grace, and His love which "endures forever."

Thanksgiving blessings to all!

Joy Cometh!...I hope...

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Recently the concept "defiant joy" was introduced to me and I realized that it is part of what characterizes my year. I insist in choosing joy over bitterness, anger, and resentment. I choose love, kindness, and grace over evil responses. When I heard this "defiant joy" I thought of all the times I fell to my knees in tears and stood up wakening to some sort of joy; my dog attacking her reflection, a friend calling, or being reminded of a verse that brought me comfort in the past. I got up and in spite of the hurt and the pain I was able to find some small joy to help me through...I will not sacrifice the joy I have because of Him, because of him.

I can choose joy out of rebellion to all that evil is trying to shove at me. I choose joy because in the midst of these trials and losses I have faced, God will not bring me through it without the promise of joy on the other side. This is temporary...this feeling, this moment or day, this life. I have joy because JOY IS COMING! JOY COMETH!!

Honor your right to VOTE!

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” Psalm 33:12

I was reminded today of a blessing we as women are given in America...the right to vote. It is hard to remember that it's not been long since women were denied the right to vote. I admit that it's easy to take this for granted, and by sharing the following prayer and article, I hope to inspire other blessed women to participate as an American citizen and VOTE!

Dear Lord, in this upcoming election, I pray that You will move in the hearts of Your people in this nation to vote. I pray You will work in and through our leaders to guide and bless this nation – may it be so in all nations, Lord! Guide us by your Spirit, in Jesus' Name, Amen.

Did you vote? I did.

My Father's Approval

As this year begins to wrap up I feel God pulling me slowly from the mud in which I was shoved at the beginning of the year. He has provided for me, He has been healing me, He has allowed me to laugh and learn and grow, even through so many tears. I am at peace about most of the choices and reactions I made this year, even though I'm sure many of my family, friends, and even foes, don't always understand how or why those choices were right for me. I continue to be directed back to a verse which sums up exactly what I've learned this year, which was exactly how and why I was able to react and respond and behave as I have this year -- even at times that those choices were the opposite of what I really felt like.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

This verse wasn't revealed to me until recently and I believe now that was because at any other time this year I wouldn't have really believed this advice was true. There were other scripture, other passages, other pieces of support and advice and truth that helped me to make choices that would ultimately reflect back to me that in the end God's approval is all that matters. Now I see that this was a huge lesson for me this year, which was the only lesson to help me through the storm. I admit it's still so easy to want the approval of people, especially one man, but that approval is harder to receive and is not as loyal and trustworthy as that of God.

I will continue to do the best I can to make choices and responses based on His approval, and not his. Only in seeking His approval have I found lasting peace with my actions and the hope and faith for the future I've been promised.

In the end, each of us will stand before Him, void of any approval we received from man. I refuse to stand in doubt of His approval at that time. I want to stand in assurance.

A miracle for me?

Tonight I realized it's easier to believe that God is capable of performing miracles, but it's harder to believe that He is willing to do them for me. I can believe God could give me everything I ask for...but why is it harder to believe that He actually would or will?

Doubt is a powerful tool the enemy uses to divert our complete and total trust and faith in God and His promises. From asking for healing the sick to providing financially or bringing the right person or help, God is totally and perfectly able to deliver. And, as hard as it is to imagine, He wants to deliver our needs and desires.

Here are the things that make it easy to believe He won't deliver when asked:
-His timing.
-His interpretation of our needs or desires. Also known as the fact that God knows our hearts better than we do ourselves. What we ask for may be delivered in a totally unexpected package.
-Unanswered, or seemingly unanswered, prayers.
-The fact that He uses our trials to bring us closer to Him. The more we ask, the more He is delighted to draw us in to know Him better.
-Guilt from sin which convinces us we are actually unworthy of God's miracles in our own lives.
-Expecting only huge acts or evidence, when the miracle may actually be a combination of smaller events or occurrences.

I seek patience, gratitude, hope, and the ability to see God's work in my life so that I can appreciate a miracle and come to expect that God will give me miracles. Do you believe God will perform a miracle for you and will you recognize one when it happens?

I am the trophy?

Lately I have indirectly questioned God about why someone dear to me was taken from my life. Am I being punished? Was it to teach me something? Was there something I didn't do and should have to be worthy of holding on to this precious relationship? Is there something He needs me to do or receive that this person was something God needed to remove from my life? Is there a reason that I couldn't be with this person any longer?

I questioned this quietly with God over the last few months and yesterday I felt the Holy Spirit flip a light bulb on. I recalled an insight I'd heard earlier this year and heard God flip the question on me. "What if it is more that I am taking YOU from him?" The insight I'd heard this year was to consider myself "a trophy," not only for God, but for others who love me. I am the trophy! I heard God ask me "What if he didn't deserve YOU any longer? What if I had to remove you so that he could hear me?"

Hearing this was astounding for me. It's hard to believe God would love me so much that He would use ME as the reward for someone else. That as the trophy I am in Him, I should be proudly possessed by someone who completed the tasks to keep me. As much as it hurts to lose this person from my life, I did feel God's promise of His care and provision for me. I am the trophy because of God. I am the trophy because He makes me shine. Now, perhaps this new knowledge will catch up with my heart so that I can accept that this may not be happening to me, but that I am the priveledge that was taken away from someone who didn't do what he should. Next question please...

Like a Sparrow

"Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest." Proverbs 26:2

I was searching tonight for the verse I was reminded of by a few small birds (pictured) tonight in my yard. They made me think of the promise God gives that we, as His children, are more precious than even a sparrow, and if He can keep track of even the sparrows, certainly then we are worth more to Him. Well, I found that verse (or several references in Matthew and Luke), but what caught my attention was the Proverb above, which seemed more fitting to the promise I'm holding on to dearly this year.

I didn't recall this Proverb, but as with many of the other Proverbs and Psalms I read, I continue to be in awe of the words written so long ago, which remain relevant today. In need of visuals to focus my faith on from time to time, I can imagine a bird, flying, hopping, flitting, branch to branch. Just when you think it's stopped long enough that you can fix your eye on it, or chart it's course, the bird flies off, out of sight. Just as with evil, the littlest noise or notice makes the bird uneasy or on alert, tempted to leave before it could be captured.

Now I can picture in my life, a curse aimed at me, but because of God's promise to bless me for doing what is right, what is loving, what is good in His name, that curse, like the jumpy bird, won't and can't stay with me. Like the darting swallow, this undeserved curse will not rest. Thank God! :)

The Angel Ahead of Me

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." Exodus 23:20~

This year a decision was made for my life, not by me, but by someone who was supposed to have my best interest at heart...always. Through this trial, I have learned how hard it is to trust in God each moment, of every day, when the future is uncertain. Reading today about the angel God has sent ahead of me, made me picture sort of like a nanny, that God gave me to hold my fingers as I learned to walk forward in trust and faith. Even through the tears, even through the heartache, pain, fear, insecurities, and betrayal, I can see how in the last several months there were things God was already doing to prepare my safety net. He can't prevent me, or anyone else, from falling, but He can be there to catch me, and He can give me an angel, a friend, a parent, a coworker, a church...His word...to be there when I get back up.

Thank you, Lord! Because of Him, I am learning why it is that some trials hurt more than others, and I am learning that it's still ok to hope...even if only to hope that I never have to bear this hurt again. Bless this angel that guards me!

Driving in the fog

I was thinking tonight about all the well-meaning, heart-felt, caring, thoughtful advice and encouragement that people offer me through my trials. I was recalling how many people, full of loving intent to give me hope for the future, will say how they 'know', they can 'see', the blessings on the other side of my trial. But often these reassurances don't comfort me because it still means that right now I'm driving through the fog.

It made sense to me in this way tonight as I visualized how on a foggy day, we can be driving toward our destination, but we have to slow down, and can only see what is immediately in front of us. We know our destination is ahead, we know we'll get there, but we have to be diligent, slow, and cautious about the choices made, and the behavior of the car along the way. If you drive too quickly through fog you risk several delays, some more devastating than others, such as driving off the road, missing a turn, missing a warning sign, hitting the car in front of you, or worse, missing your destination altogether and having to turn around, only to circle back through the fog again.

Even though it sometimes feels harder to slow down and take each mile, each pace, one by one, I know that is the best way for me to get to my destination of blessings ahead. Though I get car sick driving so slow, and my eyes are tired from squinting to see ahead, and my energy grows weary from the wait, I know that slow and careful will get me there safely and in one piece.

I just pray for a little scenery along the way that will make the wait worth while.

"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." Job 22:21

Recognize me?

"...Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."
~Matthew 25: 11-13~

I am reminded that even in times of waiting I need to be prepare myself to receive the blessings ahead which I have been promised. I cannot count on the preparations of others to get me in. I want to be ready for my turn to meet the bridegroom, whenever He arrives.

Smoke gets in your eyes...literally

Each morning this week I wake in hopes that the smoke from recent fires has disipated...but not so far. However, fitting to the give-and-take of God's love that I'm learning to appreciate, I did enjoy spectacular lighting effects the smoke filtered onto the average scenery, as well as on the sunrises and sunsets. Here are a couple shots I took this week just after the sun had risen into the sky.

Act Like a Princess

Tonight as I watched Enchanted (great movie, by the way!), I was inspired to write this post. As women, many of us were once little girls who dreamed of being a princess, in a pretty ball gown, with our hair perfect, the perfect waist line, grace, poise, wonderful singing voice, and most of all a loving and handsome prince head over heals in love for us! Well, I certainly love a good fairy tale and I admit that my desire for one probably gets me in trouble from time to time with reality.

However, I was reminded tonight that maybe if the little girl in every woman pushed her to go for that dream of becoming a princess that perhaps she would find her prince and her happily ever after. If indeed a woman acted like a princess, would she be any less important, prestigious, strong, intelligent, capable, trustworthy or respected? My answer is of course not! The phrase "acting like a princess" is often used to refer to someone who is spoiled, selfish, or conceited, and when a man "treats a woman like a princess" it is assumed he caters to her every whim, holds her in an unrealistic regard, or that he gives himself and his dreams and goals up all for her happiness. I think these negative connotations are discouraging and it is my goal to change how people view a princess.

I will add that in reality a princess may lead a life unlike any we American women can even imagine, and also that a princess' life is probably far more demanding then we'd ever desire. But I am mostly referring to a fairy tale princess, the kind we girls grow up admiring and dreaming of becoming. Here is a list of qualities of a princess:

• she is kind


• she is beautiful on the inside, and cares about how she presents as well


• she is forgiving, understanding, and gracious


• she cares about animals and children, and in general all people's comfort


• she looks for the good in life and in people


• she trusts


• she believes in herself


• she is honest


• she is hopeful, even in the presence of evil


• she does not tolerate evil


• she shows respect to all creatures


• she mediates and attempts to help people get along


• she lifts up her man, supports him, and believes in him


• she is easy to please and enjoys life


• she is generous


• she is joyful


• she accepts help and is grateful

I'm sure I'm leaving some observations out. But after watching this movie, and thinking back to other fairy tales and stories with princesses, I wonder if it's really such a bad thing to act like a princess. Once I was told that I would always be treated like a princess, and I hope that I get a chance to act like a princess in return for the favor.

In what ways can you act like a princess? What qualities of a princess could make you a better woman?

revealing HIS role

Tonight as I tried to make sense of some of the pain in my heart, I prayed for ability to understand a concept I was recently advised of. "God is your Perfect Husband." I didn't quite get it...I mean I didn't quite understand how that was supposed to feel true. How could God be a husband to me? Isn't God "above" being a husband? Shouldn't a husband be like God? I told God I was sorry I didn't understand and asked to know what He meant by this statement.

As I calmed down, I reached for a book of verses for women. When I began to open the book looking for another passage I read recently that I found comforting and wise, my thumb "tripped" and I turned to a page with the following verse...no lie! Here is what I read and immediately praised Him for revealing His explanation to me.

"'The God who made you is like your husband. His name is the Lord All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is the one who saves you. He is called the God of all the earth. You were like a woman whose husband left her, and you were very sad. You were like a wife who married young and then her husband left her. But the Lord called you to be his,' says your God." - Isaiah 54:5-6

The book went on to explain that "when you feel a longing to be needed and wanted, remember, God called you to be his...God is willing to fill any and all empty niches in your life." Even if a woman has a good husband, it is impossible for him to fill all her needs. "It is also true that some husbands are absent" and in these circumstances, God can step in and be the strength, provider, protection, and friend. I can turn to God for the things I need in my husband, when he refuses or is unable to offer them. "God promises to always be with you and to be actively involved in your life."

Thanks to God for directing me to further understanding of yet another role he can fulfill in my life.

In my heart you have remained

As I grow closer to God through my trials, I have started to feel as if some songs, even love songs, are as if God Himself is singing them to me. In some songs I find double meaning, carrying messages I need to hear, and want to share. Today is a precious day, and in my heart the memories remain and the hope still flickers and the love still stands. Maybe this will reach the right hands, but if not, then find in this some incentive to hold tighter to those you love and assure them you're in this life together.

To my special someone, on this special day...

"Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost."

May God bless you and keep you. May you find peace among ruins and hope to rebuild and try again. I love you.
xoxo

Love thy neighbor?

I just had to share a thought that stuck with me from church yesterday. The pastor said his life was changed by a small quote of C.S. Lewis that was to the effect of the holiest person you'll ever see is your neighbor. He said after reading that thought, that idea, that a person as plain or ordinary as your neighbor could be the holiest person you'll meet, he started looking at all people in a different light. He found more patience, more mercy, and more flexibility with people in general.

The idea he shared was that not only did God give the sacrifice of His precious Lamb, Christ, to me, but he gave it to my neighbors too. God didn't send Christ only for me. He obviously sees something of value and importance in each of my neighbors, friends, family, and strangers alike. Wow! What a concept to see a teeny-tiny glimpse into God's perspective on all of us. We are in a sense all holy...whether or not we choose to reflect it. Meanwhile, I hope and try to serve God in a way that will give my neighbors no doubt that I am worthy of such a label. :)

How can this perspective change your attitude and approach with others?

Armor of Faith

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet." 1 Thessalonians 5:8

I love the visualizations God is giving me through this, yet another of my trials. I can protect myself with His love and His promises. I am at battle against forces that will try to destroy my faith. I am standing firm for what is right, for what God wills for my life. I wear my armor with grace and am ready for whatever may come. God's strength is in me and I pray it continues to grow stronger and sturdier. While my flesh is weak, my soul will not be hurt. I have joy because of Him, a blessing I count regularly.

Bleeding Heart

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

I have been reading a daily devotional blog, which a friend turned me on to. Last Friday it posted this verse and it is the simple reminder I needed again today. I believe in Him. I trust Him. I have faith in Him. I know that God needs me to grow through this trial I endure. I look forward to His blessings, though they may not find me here on earth...but maybe they will.

Still Amazed

"May the Lord bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and of the patience that comes from Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3:5

I continue to be in awe of God for His ability to show us in so many big and tiny ways that He is present, provided you accept His presence. Some people unfortunately walk around, professing that they know God exists, but then ask repeatedly why they never see proof of His being. I feel blessed to have eyes wide open most the time, especially lately, to see that He is there for me. Through friends, family, strangers, nature, my dog, computer blogs, books, anything, I am able to see the messages God shares with me to get me through each day. I am able to find joy amongst my grief, to find building blocks out of recent destruction, to find peace within chaos. I can see He is powerful, more powerful than any trial I can dream up or experience. If He is patient enough to sort through my problems and to wait for me to trust Him to fix those problems, then the least I can do is learn to accept His help with patience.

I pray God continues to paint my soul with His beautiful grace and give me patience, clarity, and peace as I tread my way through the trials placed upon me. I know either way the outcome I will be blessed if I trust in God's love. Sometimes it's easier said than believed, but that is why I walk around listening and looking for God's voice to remind me to trust Him. I am growing my ever deeper understanding of His love.

God is my Hope

"But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed
AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,
but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;
and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.
For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

1 Peter 3:14-17

I read this the other night and found comfort knowing that God can be revealed to others simply by my going through trials and hard times. Though some of my circumstances may be heart-wrenching and at times hard to see that I will not always feel so devastated, I do know I have joy in Christ. I have hope. I have faith. I have Him. For all of that, I am already blessed.

Fully Focussed

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."
-1 Peter 1:13-

A few friends reminded me recently that I am the only one who has to answer to God for the things I did during my life, and that I am the only one who has control over how I handle things and live my life even in the worst of times. God knows that I love Him. I cannot stop living in a life reflective of Him, or put that life on hold, because I am between ending and beginning, waiting for direction. Finally, happiness here is nothing compared to the happiness and peace I will be rewarded with through Jesus Christ and the salvation He is saving for me.

I am thankful I have friends that are able to hear God's messages for me and pass them along. :)

New Year's Plans

Happy New Year, welcome 2008!

(could that be? Wow!)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

God bless your new year!