My Father's Approval

As this year begins to wrap up I feel God pulling me slowly from the mud in which I was shoved at the beginning of the year. He has provided for me, He has been healing me, He has allowed me to laugh and learn and grow, even through so many tears. I am at peace about most of the choices and reactions I made this year, even though I'm sure many of my family, friends, and even foes, don't always understand how or why those choices were right for me. I continue to be directed back to a verse which sums up exactly what I've learned this year, which was exactly how and why I was able to react and respond and behave as I have this year -- even at times that those choices were the opposite of what I really felt like.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

This verse wasn't revealed to me until recently and I believe now that was because at any other time this year I wouldn't have really believed this advice was true. There were other scripture, other passages, other pieces of support and advice and truth that helped me to make choices that would ultimately reflect back to me that in the end God's approval is all that matters. Now I see that this was a huge lesson for me this year, which was the only lesson to help me through the storm. I admit it's still so easy to want the approval of people, especially one man, but that approval is harder to receive and is not as loyal and trustworthy as that of God.

I will continue to do the best I can to make choices and responses based on His approval, and not his. Only in seeking His approval have I found lasting peace with my actions and the hope and faith for the future I've been promised.

In the end, each of us will stand before Him, void of any approval we received from man. I refuse to stand in doubt of His approval at that time. I want to stand in assurance.

A miracle for me?

Tonight I realized it's easier to believe that God is capable of performing miracles, but it's harder to believe that He is willing to do them for me. I can believe God could give me everything I ask for...but why is it harder to believe that He actually would or will?

Doubt is a powerful tool the enemy uses to divert our complete and total trust and faith in God and His promises. From asking for healing the sick to providing financially or bringing the right person or help, God is totally and perfectly able to deliver. And, as hard as it is to imagine, He wants to deliver our needs and desires.

Here are the things that make it easy to believe He won't deliver when asked:
-His timing.
-His interpretation of our needs or desires. Also known as the fact that God knows our hearts better than we do ourselves. What we ask for may be delivered in a totally unexpected package.
-Unanswered, or seemingly unanswered, prayers.
-The fact that He uses our trials to bring us closer to Him. The more we ask, the more He is delighted to draw us in to know Him better.
-Guilt from sin which convinces us we are actually unworthy of God's miracles in our own lives.
-Expecting only huge acts or evidence, when the miracle may actually be a combination of smaller events or occurrences.

I seek patience, gratitude, hope, and the ability to see God's work in my life so that I can appreciate a miracle and come to expect that God will give me miracles. Do you believe God will perform a miracle for you and will you recognize one when it happens?

I am the trophy?

Lately I have indirectly questioned God about why someone dear to me was taken from my life. Am I being punished? Was it to teach me something? Was there something I didn't do and should have to be worthy of holding on to this precious relationship? Is there something He needs me to do or receive that this person was something God needed to remove from my life? Is there a reason that I couldn't be with this person any longer?

I questioned this quietly with God over the last few months and yesterday I felt the Holy Spirit flip a light bulb on. I recalled an insight I'd heard earlier this year and heard God flip the question on me. "What if it is more that I am taking YOU from him?" The insight I'd heard this year was to consider myself "a trophy," not only for God, but for others who love me. I am the trophy! I heard God ask me "What if he didn't deserve YOU any longer? What if I had to remove you so that he could hear me?"

Hearing this was astounding for me. It's hard to believe God would love me so much that He would use ME as the reward for someone else. That as the trophy I am in Him, I should be proudly possessed by someone who completed the tasks to keep me. As much as it hurts to lose this person from my life, I did feel God's promise of His care and provision for me. I am the trophy because of God. I am the trophy because He makes me shine. Now, perhaps this new knowledge will catch up with my heart so that I can accept that this may not be happening to me, but that I am the priveledge that was taken away from someone who didn't do what he should. Next question please...

Still Amazed

"May the Lord bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and of the patience that comes from Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3:5

I continue to be in awe of God for His ability to show us in so many big and tiny ways that He is present, provided you accept His presence. Some people unfortunately walk around, professing that they know God exists, but then ask repeatedly why they never see proof of His being. I feel blessed to have eyes wide open most the time, especially lately, to see that He is there for me. Through friends, family, strangers, nature, my dog, computer blogs, books, anything, I am able to see the messages God shares with me to get me through each day. I am able to find joy amongst my grief, to find building blocks out of recent destruction, to find peace within chaos. I can see He is powerful, more powerful than any trial I can dream up or experience. If He is patient enough to sort through my problems and to wait for me to trust Him to fix those problems, then the least I can do is learn to accept His help with patience.

I pray God continues to paint my soul with His beautiful grace and give me patience, clarity, and peace as I tread my way through the trials placed upon me. I know either way the outcome I will be blessed if I trust in God's love. Sometimes it's easier said than believed, but that is why I walk around listening and looking for God's voice to remind me to trust Him. I am growing my ever deeper understanding of His love.