Believing in Hope

I've been worrying a lot lately about what direction God wants for me now. What purpose? What course? What plan? What actions does He want me to take? These thoughts have begun to overwhelm me to a point where it's hard to believe anything good can come next. I am not generally a hopeless person, which makes this doubt I've had over hope even more heavy on my heart. Last year I felt I had a purpose for my time, something definite that God was trying to show me and fight for. With the New Year already in swing, I'm at a loss and it's starting to douse my hope.

I was reminded in church today of one thing I listed yesterday: Soft soil to plant in. As they talked about abiding in God, always believing in and depending on Him, and how through this "plugged in" relationship God will produce fruit in my life, I was thinking about my doubt in hope. It seems so corny to write it like this, because it's so hard to detail the spark I felt the Spirit fanning, but I realized I must still believe hope is possible. I planted yesterday! Not just in a pot or temporary place, but in the ground. I must still believe deep down that something I do today will benefit my own, or another's, future. I planted hope. Hope. I was so glad for this innocent perspective on what I thought was just a way to soak up a little sun and cross another "to-do" off my list. Hope still exists in my heart and with patience, faith, and persistence, I believe hope will grow.

"Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope."
~1 Chronicles 29:15b

Armor of Faith

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet." 1 Thessalonians 5:8

I love the visualizations God is giving me through this, yet another of my trials. I can protect myself with His love and His promises. I am at battle against forces that will try to destroy my faith. I am standing firm for what is right, for what God wills for my life. I wear my armor with grace and am ready for whatever may come. God's strength is in me and I pray it continues to grow stronger and sturdier. While my flesh is weak, my soul will not be hurt. I have joy because of Him, a blessing I count regularly.

God is my Hope

"But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed
AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,
but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;
and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.
For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

1 Peter 3:14-17

I read this the other night and found comfort knowing that God can be revealed to others simply by my going through trials and hard times. Though some of my circumstances may be heart-wrenching and at times hard to see that I will not always feel so devastated, I do know I have joy in Christ. I have hope. I have faith. I have Him. For all of that, I am already blessed.

It's Christmas Eve and I remember...

I never thought I'd see another Christmas Eve as uncertain as 5 years ago, but God apparently had other plans for me. In effort to hang on to the true meaning of this season I note the thoughts I have today.

Today I remember childhood Christmases, so eager to enjoy the parties, the presents, the people.

Today I remember frantic baking traditions with my mom, wrapping last minute gifts, trying to be patient and good just one last evening before Santa visited.

Today I remember making a plan with my sister as we schemed what time we'd wake up Christmas morning, and what presents we'd open first, and when we were older, we would put together secret surprise stockings for mom and dad, "from Santa's elves."

Today I remember the year my Grandpa H. finally lost to cancer and though I was small, I remember watching my mom console my dad when they thought they were alone.

Today I remember working for a dear friend his first Christmas after losing his dad.

Today I remember one of my favorite Christmases 6 years ago, when everyone I loved was healthy and happy and together.

Today I remember candy cane cookies, homemade caramels, frosted fruit bars, chocolate covered butter crunch, peanut brittle, caramel corn, gingersnaps, my uncle's panatone', my neighbor's divinity.

Today I remember the phone call about 6:30 am when my dad called to confirm my mom was finally at rest.

Today I remember the visitors who came in love, with food and support.

Today I remember trying to carry on as in Christmases past, but all of us knowing that it would never be the same again.

Today I remember wrapping presents quietly in my first house feeling that God was close and that peace was with her.

Today I remember a diamond ring full of promise and sweetness and anticipation.

Today I remember my first Christmas as a wife, trying to make our new apartment as festive as possible at the last minute.

Today I remember silly pajamas that started a new tradition.

Today I remember feeling that all I was waiting for, all I was hoping for, all I was trying for was coming together.

Today I remember our first Christmas in our "first home," hosting dinner for both families and celebrating his first Christmas with his brother.

Today I remember that God blessed us tremendously with a Gift, that is His Son, who he sent here just for us, to save us and bring us home to Him.

Today I remember that there have been many Christmases, some wonderful, some harder than others, but that they just keep coming and life moves forward.

Today I remember love and family and friends as good as family.

Today I remember that through Christmas God gave us hope. That is what I hold today, Hope. I wish everyone hope and joy in the true blessings of Christmas.

Romans 5...Perseverance = Hope

I often feel humbled that indeed the Bible has the right things to say for almost any situation. However I've been learning that while many passages have words of encouragement, discipline, direction, or assurance, sometimes one clicks more than another.

Recently I have been exploring Passage more casually, finding the words I need to be reminded of the person I should be and how life can be. Several verses felt "right," but one that seemed to fit well for my life recently was offered out of Romans, in Chapter 5.

Romans 5, in whole, is humbling because it reminded me that people have had trials and challenges throughout time, and that all of them are worth it and pale in comparison to Christ's sacrifice for our eternal peace and God's mercy. However one particular part of the chapter offered me explanation for why it is that God wants us to see our challenges through with faith:

"Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand and we exult in the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5: 1-5

...I always wondered where hope came from. :) I will persevere, I will build character, and I will continue to have hope. Thank God!