My Grown-Up Christmas List

I've heard the song before, and dozens of artists have recorded it, but this year I seem to hear it more than ever. I finally decided that perhaps it was my heart that was willing the song to me...like it was something that finally helped me put words to some of the desires of my heart. The song, as obvious as it may be, is called "My Grown-Up Christmas List." I love the words, and the melody is one of those songs that feels warm and soothing, like remembering times when I was little and my mom would cozy up with me in the rocking chair. It just about makes me cry every time I hear it, but in a way that I know healing is on the way. This song is starting to help my heart find a voice.

Here is My Grown-Up Christmas List:

No more lives torn apart

and wars would never start

and time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend

and right would always win

and love would never end.

I would like to add to that list a heart filled with peace, hope, and joy, courage to face change with a positive attitude, wisdom and discernment to pursue the right direction, patience and grace for when I or others make mistakes, prayer for me and for those I love, and the ability to put love first in most circumstances. If I could add one more request to my Christmas list I would ask that perhaps more people would share these wishes on "my list."

Christmas blessings!

In Everything Give Thanks

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." ~1 Chronicles 16:34

Today is a bittersweet day, looking back on years of tradition and knowing that even though many of the motions were the same, the traditions are different now...and will change again. Recently as I was driving, thinking about all I've learned in the word and through Him, I was reminded of several verses of thanksgiving...being grateful for trials, being thankful in all circumstances, etc. I started to laugh as I felt the Lord nudge me and whisper "Well, I guess you sure have a lot to be thankful for!!" I am learning why I am supposed to be glad for hard times, for troubles, and for loss. It all brings me closer in faith, to Him, to my loved ones, to my soul. Even though I hope to never experience a year like this AGAIN, I am thankful, especially today, for God's joy, patience, persistence, His grace, and His love which "endures forever."

Thanksgiving blessings to all!

Joy Cometh!...I hope...

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Recently the concept "defiant joy" was introduced to me and I realized that it is part of what characterizes my year. I insist in choosing joy over bitterness, anger, and resentment. I choose love, kindness, and grace over evil responses. When I heard this "defiant joy" I thought of all the times I fell to my knees in tears and stood up wakening to some sort of joy; my dog attacking her reflection, a friend calling, or being reminded of a verse that brought me comfort in the past. I got up and in spite of the hurt and the pain I was able to find some small joy to help me through...I will not sacrifice the joy I have because of Him, because of him.

I can choose joy out of rebellion to all that evil is trying to shove at me. I choose joy because in the midst of these trials and losses I have faced, God will not bring me through it without the promise of joy on the other side. This is temporary...this feeling, this moment or day, this life. I have joy because JOY IS COMING! JOY COMETH!!

Honor your right to VOTE!

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” Psalm 33:12

I was reminded today of a blessing we as women are given in America...the right to vote. It is hard to remember that it's not been long since women were denied the right to vote. I admit that it's easy to take this for granted, and by sharing the following prayer and article, I hope to inspire other blessed women to participate as an American citizen and VOTE!

Dear Lord, in this upcoming election, I pray that You will move in the hearts of Your people in this nation to vote. I pray You will work in and through our leaders to guide and bless this nation – may it be so in all nations, Lord! Guide us by your Spirit, in Jesus' Name, Amen.

Did you vote? I did.

My Father's Approval

As this year begins to wrap up I feel God pulling me slowly from the mud in which I was shoved at the beginning of the year. He has provided for me, He has been healing me, He has allowed me to laugh and learn and grow, even through so many tears. I am at peace about most of the choices and reactions I made this year, even though I'm sure many of my family, friends, and even foes, don't always understand how or why those choices were right for me. I continue to be directed back to a verse which sums up exactly what I've learned this year, which was exactly how and why I was able to react and respond and behave as I have this year -- even at times that those choices were the opposite of what I really felt like.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

This verse wasn't revealed to me until recently and I believe now that was because at any other time this year I wouldn't have really believed this advice was true. There were other scripture, other passages, other pieces of support and advice and truth that helped me to make choices that would ultimately reflect back to me that in the end God's approval is all that matters. Now I see that this was a huge lesson for me this year, which was the only lesson to help me through the storm. I admit it's still so easy to want the approval of people, especially one man, but that approval is harder to receive and is not as loyal and trustworthy as that of God.

I will continue to do the best I can to make choices and responses based on His approval, and not his. Only in seeking His approval have I found lasting peace with my actions and the hope and faith for the future I've been promised.

In the end, each of us will stand before Him, void of any approval we received from man. I refuse to stand in doubt of His approval at that time. I want to stand in assurance.

A miracle for me?

Tonight I realized it's easier to believe that God is capable of performing miracles, but it's harder to believe that He is willing to do them for me. I can believe God could give me everything I ask for...but why is it harder to believe that He actually would or will?

Doubt is a powerful tool the enemy uses to divert our complete and total trust and faith in God and His promises. From asking for healing the sick to providing financially or bringing the right person or help, God is totally and perfectly able to deliver. And, as hard as it is to imagine, He wants to deliver our needs and desires.

Here are the things that make it easy to believe He won't deliver when asked:
-His timing.
-His interpretation of our needs or desires. Also known as the fact that God knows our hearts better than we do ourselves. What we ask for may be delivered in a totally unexpected package.
-Unanswered, or seemingly unanswered, prayers.
-The fact that He uses our trials to bring us closer to Him. The more we ask, the more He is delighted to draw us in to know Him better.
-Guilt from sin which convinces us we are actually unworthy of God's miracles in our own lives.
-Expecting only huge acts or evidence, when the miracle may actually be a combination of smaller events or occurrences.

I seek patience, gratitude, hope, and the ability to see God's work in my life so that I can appreciate a miracle and come to expect that God will give me miracles. Do you believe God will perform a miracle for you and will you recognize one when it happens?

I am the trophy?

Lately I have indirectly questioned God about why someone dear to me was taken from my life. Am I being punished? Was it to teach me something? Was there something I didn't do and should have to be worthy of holding on to this precious relationship? Is there something He needs me to do or receive that this person was something God needed to remove from my life? Is there a reason that I couldn't be with this person any longer?

I questioned this quietly with God over the last few months and yesterday I felt the Holy Spirit flip a light bulb on. I recalled an insight I'd heard earlier this year and heard God flip the question on me. "What if it is more that I am taking YOU from him?" The insight I'd heard this year was to consider myself "a trophy," not only for God, but for others who love me. I am the trophy! I heard God ask me "What if he didn't deserve YOU any longer? What if I had to remove you so that he could hear me?"

Hearing this was astounding for me. It's hard to believe God would love me so much that He would use ME as the reward for someone else. That as the trophy I am in Him, I should be proudly possessed by someone who completed the tasks to keep me. As much as it hurts to lose this person from my life, I did feel God's promise of His care and provision for me. I am the trophy because of God. I am the trophy because He makes me shine. Now, perhaps this new knowledge will catch up with my heart so that I can accept that this may not be happening to me, but that I am the priveledge that was taken away from someone who didn't do what he should. Next question please...