Hard to swallow, but easy to digest

"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of the Lord stands forever."
1 Peter 1:24-25

For Heaven's Sake

"However, as it is written: 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him'—”- 1 Corinthians 2:9

Wasted

I've found it hard to share here lately, mostly because I feel as though there is an expected expiration date on my current struggles. If I continue to wade through the same garbage does that mean I'm getting somewhere or does it mean I'm defeated? I can't decide yet because I'm still waiting for one whole day of pure and fresh air, one day when I don't lose my footing and slide back down into the dumpster, not even one toe slip. The breaths are getting longer, but the stench is still very present.

I drove home, another solitary Friday evening, and wondered when I will stop believing that just because I was thrown into the trash that I am actually trash. Maybe it's just the time of year, a time when traditions used to run deep and now they are just memories left in the dust, most never to be spoken of again. Perhaps it's another year gone by, still with little obvious progress or change to my circumstances. Maybe it's just me. But I'm hoping to understand the secret to actually believing that a diamond is always valuable, even if it's thrown away and never retrieved or thought of again.

Or is that diamond's value wasted when it's given to someone who doesn't know it's a diamond?

Among the weeds

I was reminded again this weekend that seeds planted still grow and bloom, even underneath inches and clumps of weeds upon weeds. They will sprout up...

To everything there is a season, right?
Happy spring!

No man's princess

I admit that lately I have a difficult time feeling as if I am special by any means. I can feel tugs in my lonely heart as if the Spirit is urgently trying to get me to remember I matter. Hopeful this is a temporary phase and mostly a result of circumstance and memories of several Februaries passed, I don't mean to post in this tone as if I have no joy, hope, love, or other blessings in my life. I wanted to share a verse I will use as a focus for when the girl in the mirror is trying to disagree:

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me..." 2 Timothy 4:8

I am no princess to any "prince" on this earth, but it is comforting to think there is a King who believes I'm already His princess. We are all royalty to this King. Someday I'll sell the rhinestone tiara that I wore 6 Februaries ago because it only means broken promises and tarnished memories. But I'll gladly wear the crown of righteousness God has for me because I "have longed for His appearing." Even if it doesn't always feel like it, I will do better if I focus on the royalty God sees in me. I am someOne's princess...thank You, Your Majesty.

...and thank you, Heather, for giving voice to His stirring in me. I needed to hear it. :)

Believing in Hope

I've been worrying a lot lately about what direction God wants for me now. What purpose? What course? What plan? What actions does He want me to take? These thoughts have begun to overwhelm me to a point where it's hard to believe anything good can come next. I am not generally a hopeless person, which makes this doubt I've had over hope even more heavy on my heart. Last year I felt I had a purpose for my time, something definite that God was trying to show me and fight for. With the New Year already in swing, I'm at a loss and it's starting to douse my hope.

I was reminded in church today of one thing I listed yesterday: Soft soil to plant in. As they talked about abiding in God, always believing in and depending on Him, and how through this "plugged in" relationship God will produce fruit in my life, I was thinking about my doubt in hope. It seems so corny to write it like this, because it's so hard to detail the spark I felt the Spirit fanning, but I realized I must still believe hope is possible. I planted yesterday! Not just in a pot or temporary place, but in the ground. I must still believe deep down that something I do today will benefit my own, or another's, future. I planted hope. Hope. I was so glad for this innocent perspective on what I thought was just a way to soak up a little sun and cross another "to-do" off my list. Hope still exists in my heart and with patience, faith, and persistence, I believe hope will grow.

"Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope."
~1 Chronicles 29:15b

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Today I count these blessings:

1. Time to work outside in the sun
2. A visit from a new family yesterday
3. Soft soil to plant in
4. God winks
5. It's almost Sunday