I am the trophy?

Lately I have indirectly questioned God about why someone dear to me was taken from my life. Am I being punished? Was it to teach me something? Was there something I didn't do and should have to be worthy of holding on to this precious relationship? Is there something He needs me to do or receive that this person was something God needed to remove from my life? Is there a reason that I couldn't be with this person any longer?

I questioned this quietly with God over the last few months and yesterday I felt the Holy Spirit flip a light bulb on. I recalled an insight I'd heard earlier this year and heard God flip the question on me. "What if it is more that I am taking YOU from him?" The insight I'd heard this year was to consider myself "a trophy," not only for God, but for others who love me. I am the trophy! I heard God ask me "What if he didn't deserve YOU any longer? What if I had to remove you so that he could hear me?"

Hearing this was astounding for me. It's hard to believe God would love me so much that He would use ME as the reward for someone else. That as the trophy I am in Him, I should be proudly possessed by someone who completed the tasks to keep me. As much as it hurts to lose this person from my life, I did feel God's promise of His care and provision for me. I am the trophy because of God. I am the trophy because He makes me shine. Now, perhaps this new knowledge will catch up with my heart so that I can accept that this may not be happening to me, but that I am the priveledge that was taken away from someone who didn't do what he should. Next question please...

Like a Sparrow

"Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest." Proverbs 26:2

I was searching tonight for the verse I was reminded of by a few small birds (pictured) tonight in my yard. They made me think of the promise God gives that we, as His children, are more precious than even a sparrow, and if He can keep track of even the sparrows, certainly then we are worth more to Him. Well, I found that verse (or several references in Matthew and Luke), but what caught my attention was the Proverb above, which seemed more fitting to the promise I'm holding on to dearly this year.

I didn't recall this Proverb, but as with many of the other Proverbs and Psalms I read, I continue to be in awe of the words written so long ago, which remain relevant today. In need of visuals to focus my faith on from time to time, I can imagine a bird, flying, hopping, flitting, branch to branch. Just when you think it's stopped long enough that you can fix your eye on it, or chart it's course, the bird flies off, out of sight. Just as with evil, the littlest noise or notice makes the bird uneasy or on alert, tempted to leave before it could be captured.

Now I can picture in my life, a curse aimed at me, but because of God's promise to bless me for doing what is right, what is loving, what is good in His name, that curse, like the jumpy bird, won't and can't stay with me. Like the darting swallow, this undeserved curse will not rest. Thank God! :)

The Angel Ahead of Me

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." Exodus 23:20~

This year a decision was made for my life, not by me, but by someone who was supposed to have my best interest at heart...always. Through this trial, I have learned how hard it is to trust in God each moment, of every day, when the future is uncertain. Reading today about the angel God has sent ahead of me, made me picture sort of like a nanny, that God gave me to hold my fingers as I learned to walk forward in trust and faith. Even through the tears, even through the heartache, pain, fear, insecurities, and betrayal, I can see how in the last several months there were things God was already doing to prepare my safety net. He can't prevent me, or anyone else, from falling, but He can be there to catch me, and He can give me an angel, a friend, a parent, a coworker, a church...His word...to be there when I get back up.

Thank you, Lord! Because of Him, I am learning why it is that some trials hurt more than others, and I am learning that it's still ok to hope...even if only to hope that I never have to bear this hurt again. Bless this angel that guards me!

Driving in the fog

I was thinking tonight about all the well-meaning, heart-felt, caring, thoughtful advice and encouragement that people offer me through my trials. I was recalling how many people, full of loving intent to give me hope for the future, will say how they 'know', they can 'see', the blessings on the other side of my trial. But often these reassurances don't comfort me because it still means that right now I'm driving through the fog.

It made sense to me in this way tonight as I visualized how on a foggy day, we can be driving toward our destination, but we have to slow down, and can only see what is immediately in front of us. We know our destination is ahead, we know we'll get there, but we have to be diligent, slow, and cautious about the choices made, and the behavior of the car along the way. If you drive too quickly through fog you risk several delays, some more devastating than others, such as driving off the road, missing a turn, missing a warning sign, hitting the car in front of you, or worse, missing your destination altogether and having to turn around, only to circle back through the fog again.

Even though it sometimes feels harder to slow down and take each mile, each pace, one by one, I know that is the best way for me to get to my destination of blessings ahead. Though I get car sick driving so slow, and my eyes are tired from squinting to see ahead, and my energy grows weary from the wait, I know that slow and careful will get me there safely and in one piece.

I just pray for a little scenery along the way that will make the wait worth while.

"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." Job 22:21

Recognize me?

"...Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."
~Matthew 25: 11-13~

I am reminded that even in times of waiting I need to be prepare myself to receive the blessings ahead which I have been promised. I cannot count on the preparations of others to get me in. I want to be ready for my turn to meet the bridegroom, whenever He arrives.