The Angel Ahead of Me

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." Exodus 23:20~

This year a decision was made for my life, not by me, but by someone who was supposed to have my best interest at heart...always. Through this trial, I have learned how hard it is to trust in God each moment, of every day, when the future is uncertain. Reading today about the angel God has sent ahead of me, made me picture sort of like a nanny, that God gave me to hold my fingers as I learned to walk forward in trust and faith. Even through the tears, even through the heartache, pain, fear, insecurities, and betrayal, I can see how in the last several months there were things God was already doing to prepare my safety net. He can't prevent me, or anyone else, from falling, but He can be there to catch me, and He can give me an angel, a friend, a parent, a coworker, a church...His word...to be there when I get back up.

Thank you, Lord! Because of Him, I am learning why it is that some trials hurt more than others, and I am learning that it's still ok to hope...even if only to hope that I never have to bear this hurt again. Bless this angel that guards me!

Driving in the fog

I was thinking tonight about all the well-meaning, heart-felt, caring, thoughtful advice and encouragement that people offer me through my trials. I was recalling how many people, full of loving intent to give me hope for the future, will say how they 'know', they can 'see', the blessings on the other side of my trial. But often these reassurances don't comfort me because it still means that right now I'm driving through the fog.

It made sense to me in this way tonight as I visualized how on a foggy day, we can be driving toward our destination, but we have to slow down, and can only see what is immediately in front of us. We know our destination is ahead, we know we'll get there, but we have to be diligent, slow, and cautious about the choices made, and the behavior of the car along the way. If you drive too quickly through fog you risk several delays, some more devastating than others, such as driving off the road, missing a turn, missing a warning sign, hitting the car in front of you, or worse, missing your destination altogether and having to turn around, only to circle back through the fog again.

Even though it sometimes feels harder to slow down and take each mile, each pace, one by one, I know that is the best way for me to get to my destination of blessings ahead. Though I get car sick driving so slow, and my eyes are tired from squinting to see ahead, and my energy grows weary from the wait, I know that slow and careful will get me there safely and in one piece.

I just pray for a little scenery along the way that will make the wait worth while.

"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." Job 22:21

Recognize me?

"...Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."
~Matthew 25: 11-13~

I am reminded that even in times of waiting I need to be prepare myself to receive the blessings ahead which I have been promised. I cannot count on the preparations of others to get me in. I want to be ready for my turn to meet the bridegroom, whenever He arrives.

Smoke gets in your eyes...literally

Each morning this week I wake in hopes that the smoke from recent fires has disipated...but not so far. However, fitting to the give-and-take of God's love that I'm learning to appreciate, I did enjoy spectacular lighting effects the smoke filtered onto the average scenery, as well as on the sunrises and sunsets. Here are a couple shots I took this week just after the sun had risen into the sky.

Act Like a Princess

Tonight as I watched Enchanted (great movie, by the way!), I was inspired to write this post. As women, many of us were once little girls who dreamed of being a princess, in a pretty ball gown, with our hair perfect, the perfect waist line, grace, poise, wonderful singing voice, and most of all a loving and handsome prince head over heals in love for us! Well, I certainly love a good fairy tale and I admit that my desire for one probably gets me in trouble from time to time with reality.

However, I was reminded tonight that maybe if the little girl in every woman pushed her to go for that dream of becoming a princess that perhaps she would find her prince and her happily ever after. If indeed a woman acted like a princess, would she be any less important, prestigious, strong, intelligent, capable, trustworthy or respected? My answer is of course not! The phrase "acting like a princess" is often used to refer to someone who is spoiled, selfish, or conceited, and when a man "treats a woman like a princess" it is assumed he caters to her every whim, holds her in an unrealistic regard, or that he gives himself and his dreams and goals up all for her happiness. I think these negative connotations are discouraging and it is my goal to change how people view a princess.

I will add that in reality a princess may lead a life unlike any we American women can even imagine, and also that a princess' life is probably far more demanding then we'd ever desire. But I am mostly referring to a fairy tale princess, the kind we girls grow up admiring and dreaming of becoming. Here is a list of qualities of a princess:

• she is kind


• she is beautiful on the inside, and cares about how she presents as well


• she is forgiving, understanding, and gracious


• she cares about animals and children, and in general all people's comfort


• she looks for the good in life and in people


• she trusts


• she believes in herself


• she is honest


• she is hopeful, even in the presence of evil


• she does not tolerate evil


• she shows respect to all creatures


• she mediates and attempts to help people get along


• she lifts up her man, supports him, and believes in him


• she is easy to please and enjoys life


• she is generous


• she is joyful


• she accepts help and is grateful

I'm sure I'm leaving some observations out. But after watching this movie, and thinking back to other fairy tales and stories with princesses, I wonder if it's really such a bad thing to act like a princess. Once I was told that I would always be treated like a princess, and I hope that I get a chance to act like a princess in return for the favor.

In what ways can you act like a princess? What qualities of a princess could make you a better woman?

revealing HIS role

Tonight as I tried to make sense of some of the pain in my heart, I prayed for ability to understand a concept I was recently advised of. "God is your Perfect Husband." I didn't quite get it...I mean I didn't quite understand how that was supposed to feel true. How could God be a husband to me? Isn't God "above" being a husband? Shouldn't a husband be like God? I told God I was sorry I didn't understand and asked to know what He meant by this statement.

As I calmed down, I reached for a book of verses for women. When I began to open the book looking for another passage I read recently that I found comforting and wise, my thumb "tripped" and I turned to a page with the following verse...no lie! Here is what I read and immediately praised Him for revealing His explanation to me.

"'The God who made you is like your husband. His name is the Lord All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is the one who saves you. He is called the God of all the earth. You were like a woman whose husband left her, and you were very sad. You were like a wife who married young and then her husband left her. But the Lord called you to be his,' says your God." - Isaiah 54:5-6

The book went on to explain that "when you feel a longing to be needed and wanted, remember, God called you to be his...God is willing to fill any and all empty niches in your life." Even if a woman has a good husband, it is impossible for him to fill all her needs. "It is also true that some husbands are absent" and in these circumstances, God can step in and be the strength, provider, protection, and friend. I can turn to God for the things I need in my husband, when he refuses or is unable to offer them. "God promises to always be with you and to be actively involved in your life."

Thanks to God for directing me to further understanding of yet another role he can fulfill in my life.

In my heart you have remained

As I grow closer to God through my trials, I have started to feel as if some songs, even love songs, are as if God Himself is singing them to me. In some songs I find double meaning, carrying messages I need to hear, and want to share. Today is a precious day, and in my heart the memories remain and the hope still flickers and the love still stands. Maybe this will reach the right hands, but if not, then find in this some incentive to hold tighter to those you love and assure them you're in this life together.

To my special someone, on this special day...

"Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost."

May God bless you and keep you. May you find peace among ruins and hope to rebuild and try again. I love you.
xoxo