It's Christmas Eve and I remember...

I never thought I'd see another Christmas Eve as uncertain as 5 years ago, but God apparently had other plans for me. In effort to hang on to the true meaning of this season I note the thoughts I have today.

Today I remember childhood Christmases, so eager to enjoy the parties, the presents, the people.

Today I remember frantic baking traditions with my mom, wrapping last minute gifts, trying to be patient and good just one last evening before Santa visited.

Today I remember making a plan with my sister as we schemed what time we'd wake up Christmas morning, and what presents we'd open first, and when we were older, we would put together secret surprise stockings for mom and dad, "from Santa's elves."

Today I remember the year my Grandpa H. finally lost to cancer and though I was small, I remember watching my mom console my dad when they thought they were alone.

Today I remember working for a dear friend his first Christmas after losing his dad.

Today I remember one of my favorite Christmases 6 years ago, when everyone I loved was healthy and happy and together.

Today I remember candy cane cookies, homemade caramels, frosted fruit bars, chocolate covered butter crunch, peanut brittle, caramel corn, gingersnaps, my uncle's panatone', my neighbor's divinity.

Today I remember the phone call about 6:30 am when my dad called to confirm my mom was finally at rest.

Today I remember the visitors who came in love, with food and support.

Today I remember trying to carry on as in Christmases past, but all of us knowing that it would never be the same again.

Today I remember wrapping presents quietly in my first house feeling that God was close and that peace was with her.

Today I remember a diamond ring full of promise and sweetness and anticipation.

Today I remember my first Christmas as a wife, trying to make our new apartment as festive as possible at the last minute.

Today I remember silly pajamas that started a new tradition.

Today I remember feeling that all I was waiting for, all I was hoping for, all I was trying for was coming together.

Today I remember our first Christmas in our "first home," hosting dinner for both families and celebrating his first Christmas with his brother.

Today I remember that God blessed us tremendously with a Gift, that is His Son, who he sent here just for us, to save us and bring us home to Him.

Today I remember that there have been many Christmases, some wonderful, some harder than others, but that they just keep coming and life moves forward.

Today I remember love and family and friends as good as family.

Today I remember that through Christmas God gave us hope. That is what I hold today, Hope. I wish everyone hope and joy in the true blessings of Christmas.