La Donna Benedetta

Hmm...long time...still pluggin'

2010-10-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

It feels like ages since I posted here, but I was curious today about any spam comments here, since I haven't posted in some time. I was tickled and humbled to find a few random "anonymous" comments on old posts. I had abandoned this site in my "darkness" of the last year, to focus more on my photography site--Pippen Prints--in effort to remind, rebuild, and reform myself back into the person I always will be...and hope to be.

And, in my absence, I have often thought how the older posts on here seem so long ago...a totally different me, a different time, different world. I've considered deleting them, since they contrast so much with the healing/coping journey the latter posts record. But they are all part of my story...we can't delete our pasts I suppose.

So, maybe I'll get back into writing here again...
Afterall, for better or worse, I still am a blessed woman.

Sigh...

2010-01-17T22:12:00.000-08:00

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. Revelation 21:4

Recently my pastor made a point about how the Puritans used to start and end each day with one of the following comments:
-in the morning: "Maybe today God?"
-in the evening: "Maybe tonight God?"

He explained that they were so focussed on the goodness of heaven and God's promises of a perfect world upon His coming that they hoped for it eagerly everyday.

I can see why they would long hopefully each day for His coming with this quote from Revelation. While He is near at all times, and certainly close with those who mourn, grieve, are troubled, in need, or weary, it's hard to feel Him when He can't simply reach over with a finger and wipe away a tear, give a hug, or give you His hand to hold. We have to rely on faith to help us feel those comforts. We also have to allow the Spirit to break down any barriers we have as fallen humans that restrict His comfort from coming through strong and warm.

...no more tears. Wow, unfathomable.
Praise God for this word which He left behind for me to have sitting waiting in an old email I stumbled upon today when I needed it.

Didn't you know...

2009-11-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

This song is helping me cross over to new beginnings...

I continue to wonder why it takes longer to grieve than to fall in love.
Everything a season, I recall...I hope this isn't a permanent season. I'm looking forward to a new spring (even if it's snowing!).

How does He always know?

2009-08-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share this little insight I read to start my day today. I was grateful for it on many deep levels, but moreso because often it is through my plants that God shows me how His plan makes sense in the long run.

Enjoy this for yourself. :)
God bless!

Wishing

2009-07-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hard to swallow, but easy to digest

2009-06-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of the Lord stands forever."
1 Peter 1:24-25

For Heaven's Sake

2009-06-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

"However, as it is written: 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him'—”- 1 Corinthians 2:9

Wasted

2009-06-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've found it hard to share here lately, mostly because I feel as though there is an expected expiration date on my current struggles. If I continue to wade through the same garbage does that mean I'm getting somewhere or does it mean I'm defeated? I can't decide yet because I'm still waiting for one whole day of pure and fresh air, one day when I don't lose my footing and slide back down into the dumpster, not even one toe slip. The breaths are getting longer, but the stench is still very present.

I drove home, another solitary Friday evening, and wondered when I will stop believing that just because I was thrown into the trash that I am actually trash. Maybe it's just the time of year, a time when traditions used to run deep and now they are just memories left in the dust, most never to be spoken of again. Perhaps it's another year gone by, still with little obvious progress or change to my circumstances. Maybe it's just me. But I'm hoping to understand the secret to actually believing that a diamond is always valuable, even if it's thrown away and never retrieved or thought of again.

Or is that diamond's value wasted when it's given to someone who doesn't know it's a diamond?

Among the weeds

2009-03-31T21:07:00.000-07:00

I was reminded again this weekend that seeds planted still grow and bloom, even underneath inches and clumps of weeds upon weeds. They will sprout up...

To everything there is a season, right?
Happy spring!

No man's princess

2009-02-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

I admit that lately I have a difficult time feeling as if I am special by any means. I can feel tugs in my lonely heart as if the Spirit is urgently trying to get me to remember I matter. Hopeful this is a temporary phase and mostly a result of circumstance and memories of several Februaries passed, I don't mean to post in this tone as if I have no joy, hope, love, or other blessings in my life. I wanted to share a verse I will use as a focus for when the girl in the mirror is trying to disagree:

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me..." 2 Timothy 4:8

I am no princess to any "prince" on this earth, but it is comforting to think there is a King who believes I'm already His princess. We are all royalty to this King. Someday I'll sell the rhinestone tiara that I wore 6 Februaries ago because it only means broken promises and tarnished memories. But I'll gladly wear the crown of righteousness God has for me because I "have longed for His appearing." Even if it doesn't always feel like it, I will do better if I focus on the royalty God sees in me. I am someOne's princess...thank You, Your Majesty.

...and thank you, Heather, for giving voice to His stirring in me. I needed to hear it. :)

Believing in Hope

2009-02-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

I've been worrying a lot lately about what direction God wants for me now. What purpose? What course? What plan? What actions does He want me to take? These thoughts have begun to overwhelm me to a point where it's hard to believe anything good can come next. I am not generally a hopeless person, which makes this doubt I've had over hope even more heavy on my heart. Last year I felt I had a purpose for my time, something definite that God was trying to show me and fight for. With the New Year already in swing, I'm at a loss and it's starting to douse my hope.

I was reminded in church today of one thing I listed yesterday: Soft soil to plant in. As they talked about abiding in God, always believing in and depending on Him, and how through this "plugged in" relationship God will produce fruit in my life, I was thinking about my doubt in hope. It seems so corny to write it like this, because it's so hard to detail the spark I felt the Spirit fanning, but I realized I must still believe hope is possible. I planted yesterday! Not just in a pot or temporary place, but in the ground. I must still believe deep down that something I do today will benefit my own, or another's, future. I planted hope. Hope. I was so glad for this innocent perspective on what I thought was just a way to soak up a little sun and cross another "to-do" off my list. Hope still exists in my heart and with patience, faith, and persistence, I believe hope will grow.

"Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope."
~1 Chronicles 29:15b

2009-01-31T14:43:00.000-08:00

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Today I count these blessings:

Time to work outside in the sun
A visit from a new family yesterday
Soft soil to plant in
God winks
It's almost Sunday

Naptime Yet?

2009-01-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."
Ephesians 6:10-13

I am amazed that we don't walk through each day looking skeptically around corners and into each room as we enter. We don't know when we will need our armor. But I think what amazes me about this verse most is that not only do we need God's armor for the actual battle, but also for the aftermath, when we are left alive to heal our wounds and pick up the pieces.

Maybe that's why I find it so hard lately to feel the strength I know is within. I'm worn from the heavy armor and rough battle. My wounds are deep and healing at different paces. I'm still standing, and I'm weak, tired and overwhelmed when I look at the rebuilding that needs to happen as I move forward post-war feeling defeated...yet I survived. I needed this reminder that it is not yet time to remove my armor, but in fact, it's time to hold tight to it and rely on it all the more. "...and after you have done everything, to stand." Amen

Tough times call for Counting Blessings

2009-01-25T23:38:00.001-08:00

I've been wanting to write lately, but I've had a hard time focusing. Finally it occurred to me that maybe if I remind myself of the good going on amidst all the negative that it might help me see what it is that I'm trying figure out. So, simply, I'm going to list a few things that I am grateful for tonight.

Lunch with my dad today
Snugly puppy
It snowed this morning
Sweet thank you ecard from a friend
God's ability to use all of us, as sinners, for His good
Encouragement from two friends
Tomorrow is a new day

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." ~James 4:10

...preparing for lift off Lord! :)

What if it all goes right?

2009-01-12T12:29:00.000-08:00

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." ~Hebrews 10:23 NLT

As I recover from the last year I realize that I have fears and worries I never had before. Many "what ifs?" creep up at the most inconvenient times, sometimes not sparked by any source. "What if that goes wrong? What if this happens again? What if I...what if he...what if they...what if God???!!! What if...what if...what if!!?" It's a fast downward spiral if I don't catch my faith and hold tightly.

Then, I was making a batch of sweets for a friend and heard a newer song that the Spirit used to get His message of trust and promise across. WHAT IF IT ALL GOES RIGHT? YES!! What IF it all turns out OK? What if I can move on and be better in spite of a broken heart and confusion? What if God's promise is really all I need? Yes. What if instead of preparing for when it all goes wrong, I expect and prepare for when it all goes RIGHT?!

I spent so much time in the last year repairing collateral damage, nursing my wounds, and preparing myself for the worst. The "worst" kept getting worse and I'd still look around, catch my breath, and realize I'm still OK. So then I'd prepare for the next time it would get worse...and amazingly I'm still standing after over a year of hard blows. Naturally I began to condition myself to prepare for "wrong" and finally facing the question "What if it all goes right?" has really opened my eyes to my new course of action: Preparing for the best. One step at a time I will rebuild my confidence, security, and trust in God's promises for me. I look forward to seeing what happens when it all goes right.

New Year's Blessings to all! xoxo

My Grown-Up Christmas List

2008-12-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

I've heard the song before, and dozens of artists have recorded it, but this year I seem to hear it more than ever. I finally decided that perhaps it was my heart that was willing the song to me...like it was something that finally helped me put words to some of the desires of my heart. The song, as obvious as it may be, is called "My Grown-Up Christmas List." I love the words, and the melody is one of those songs that feels warm and soothing, like remembering times when I was little and my mom would cozy up with me in the rocking chair. It just about makes me cry every time I hear it, but in a way that I know healing is on the way. This song is starting to help my heart find a voice.

Here is My Grown-Up Christmas List:

No more lives torn apart

and wars would never start

and time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend

and right would always win

and love would never end.

I would like to add to that list a heart filled with peace, hope, and joy, courage to face change with a positive attitude, wisdom and discernment to pursue the right direction, patience and grace for when I or others make mistakes, prayer for me and for those I love, and the ability to put love first in most circumstances. If I could add one more request to my Christmas list I would ask that perhaps more people would share these wishes on "my list."

Christmas blessings!

In Everything Give Thanks

2008-11-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." ~1 Chronicles 16:34

Today is a bittersweet day, looking back on years of tradition and knowing that even though many of the motions were the same, the traditions are different now...and will change again. Recently as I was driving, thinking about all I've learned in the word and through Him, I was reminded of several verses of thanksgiving...being grateful for trials, being thankful in all circumstances, etc. I started to laugh as I felt the Lord nudge me and whisper "Well, I guess you sure have a lot to be thankful for!!" I am learning why I am supposed to be glad for hard times, for troubles, and for loss. It all brings me closer in faith, to Him, to my loved ones, to my soul. Even though I hope to never experience a year like this AGAIN, I am thankful, especially today, for God's joy, patience, persistence, His grace, and His love which "endures forever."

Thanksgiving blessings to all!

Joy Cometh!...I hope...

2008-11-16T13:44:00.000-08:00

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
Recently the concept "defiant joy" was introduced to me and I realized that it is part of what characterizes my year. I insist in choosing joy over bitterness, anger, and resentment. I choose love, kindness, and grace over evil responses. When I heard this "defiant joy" I thought of all the times I fell to my knees in tears and stood up wakening to some sort of joy; my dog attacking her reflection, a friend calling, or being reminded of a verse that brought me comfort in the past. I got up and in spite of the hurt and the pain I was able to find some small joy to help me through...I will not sacrifice the joy I have because of Him, because of him.

I can choose joy out of rebellion to all that evil is trying to shove at me. I choose joy because in the midst of these trials and losses I have faced, God will not bring me through it without the promise of joy on the other side. This is temporary...this feeling, this moment or day, this life. I have joy because JOY IS COMING! JOY COMETH!!

Honor your right to VOTE!

2008-11-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” Psalm 33:12

I was reminded today of a blessing we as women are given in America...the right to vote. It is hard to remember that it's not been long since women were denied the right to vote. I admit that it's easy to take this for granted, and by sharing the following prayer and article, I hope to inspire other blessed women to participate as an American citizen and VOTE!

Dear Lord, in this upcoming election, I pray that You will move in the hearts of Your people in this nation to vote. I pray You will work in and through our leaders to guide and bless this nation – may it be so in all nations, Lord! Guide us by your Spirit, in Jesus' Name, Amen.

Did you vote? I did.

My Father's Approval

2008-10-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

As this year begins to wrap up I feel God pulling me slowly from the mud in which I was shoved at the beginning of the year. He has provided for me, He has been healing me, He has allowed me to laugh and learn and grow, even through so many tears. I am at peace about most of the choices and reactions I made this year, even though I'm sure many of my family, friends, and even foes, don't always understand how or why those choices were right for me. I continue to be directed back to a verse which sums up exactly what I've learned this year, which was exactly how and why I was able to react and respond and behave as I have this year -- even at times that those choices were the opposite of what I really felt like.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

This verse wasn't revealed to me until recently and I believe now that was because at any other time this year I wouldn't have really believed this advice was true. There were other scripture, other passages, other pieces of support and advice and truth that helped me to make choices that would ultimately reflect back to me that in the end God's approval is all that matters. Now I see that this was a huge lesson for me this year, which was the only lesson to help me through the storm. I admit it's still so easy to want the approval of people, especially one man, but that approval is harder to receive and is not as loyal and trustworthy as that of God.

I will continue to do the best I can to make choices and responses based on His approval, and not his. Only in seeking His approval have I found lasting peace with my actions and the hope and faith for the future I've been promised.

In the end, each of us will stand before Him, void of any approval we received from man. I refuse to stand in doubt of His approval at that time. I want to stand in assurance.

A miracle for me?

2008-09-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I realized it's easier to believe that God is capable of performing miracles, but it's harder to believe that He is willing to do them for me. I can believe God could give me everything I ask for...but why is it harder to believe that He actually would or will?

Doubt is a powerful tool the enemy uses to divert our complete and total trust and faith in God and His promises. From asking for healing the sick to providing financially or bringing the right person or help, God is totally and perfectly able to deliver. And, as hard as it is to imagine, He wants to deliver our needs and desires.

Here are the things that make it easy to believe He won't deliver when asked:
-His timing.
-His interpretation of our needs or desires. Also known as the fact that God knows our hearts better than we do ourselves. What we ask for may be delivered in a totally unexpected package.
-Unanswered, or seemingly unanswered, prayers.
-The fact that He uses our trials to bring us closer to Him. The more we ask, the more He is delighted to draw us in to know Him better.
-Guilt from sin which convinces us we are actually unworthy of God's miracles in our own lives.
-Expecting only huge acts or evidence, when the miracle may actually be a combination of smaller events or occurrences.

I seek patience, gratitude, hope, and the ability to see God's work in my life so that I can appreciate a miracle and come to expect that God will give me miracles. Do you believe God will perform a miracle for you and will you recognize one when it happens?

I am the trophy?

2008-07-29T18:39:00.001-07:00

Lately I have indirectly questioned God about why someone dear to me was taken from my life. Am I being punished? Was it to teach me something? Was there something I didn't do and should have to be worthy of holding on to this precious relationship? Is there something He needs me to do or receive that this person was something God needed to remove from my life? Is there a reason that I couldn't be with this person any longer?

I questioned this quietly with God over the last few months and yesterday I felt the Holy Spirit flip a light bulb on. I recalled an insight I'd heard earlier this year and heard God flip the question on me. "What if it is more that I am taking YOU from him?" The insight I'd heard this year was to consider myself "a trophy," not only for God, but for others who love me. I am the trophy! I heard God ask me "What if he didn't deserve YOU any longer? What if I had to remove you so that he could hear me?"

Hearing this was astounding for me. It's hard to believe God would love me so much that He would use ME as the reward for someone else. That as the trophy I am in Him, I should be proudly possessed by someone who completed the tasks to keep me. As much as it hurts to lose this person from my life, I did feel God's promise of His care and provision for me. I am the trophy because of God. I am the trophy because He makes me shine. Now, perhaps this new knowledge will catch up with my heart so that I can accept that this may not be happening to me, but that I am the priveledge that was taken away from someone who didn't do what he should. Next question please...

Like a Sparrow

2008-07-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

"Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest." Proverbs 26:2

I was searching tonight for the verse I was reminded of by a few small birds (pictured) tonight in my yard. They made me think of the promise God gives that we, as His children, are more precious than even a sparrow, and if He can keep track of even the sparrows, certainly then we are worth more to Him. Well, I found that verse (or several references in Matthew and Luke), but what caught my attention was the Proverb above, which seemed more fitting to the promise I'm holding on to dearly this year.

I didn't recall this Proverb, but as with many of the other Proverbs and Psalms I read, I continue to be in awe of the words written so long ago, which remain relevant today. In need of visuals to focus my faith on from time to time, I can imagine a bird, flying, hopping, flitting, branch to branch. Just when you think it's stopped long enough that you can fix your eye on it, or chart it's course, the bird flies off, out of sight. Just as with evil, the littlest noise or notice makes the bird uneasy or on alert, tempted to leave before it could be captured.

Now I can picture in my life, a curse aimed at me, but because of God's promise to bless me for doing what is right, what is loving, what is good in His name, that curse, like the jumpy bird, won't and can't stay with me. Like the darting swallow, this undeserved curse will not rest. Thank God! :)

The Angel Ahead of Me

2008-07-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

"See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared." Exodus 23:20~

This year a decision was made for my life, not by me, but by someone who was supposed to have my best interest at heart...always. Through this trial, I have learned how hard it is to trust in God each moment, of every day, when the future is uncertain. Reading today about the angel God has sent ahead of me, made me picture sort of like a nanny, that God gave me to hold my fingers as I learned to walk forward in trust and faith. Even through the tears, even through the heartache, pain, fear, insecurities, and betrayal, I can see how in the last several months there were things God was already doing to prepare my safety net. He can't prevent me, or anyone else, from falling, but He can be there to catch me, and He can give me an angel, a friend, a parent, a coworker, a church...His word...to be there when I get back up.

Thank you, Lord! Because of Him, I am learning why it is that some trials hurt more than others, and I am learning that it's still ok to hope...even if only to hope that I never have to bear this hurt again. Bless this angel that guards me!

Driving in the fog

2008-07-18T22:07:00.000-07:00

I was thinking tonight about all the well-meaning, heart-felt, caring, thoughtful advice and encouragement that people offer me through my trials. I was recalling how many people, full of loving intent to give me hope for the future, will say how they 'know', they can 'see', the blessings on the other side of my trial. But often these reassurances don't comfort me because it still means that right now I'm driving through the fog.

It made sense to me in this way tonight as I visualized how on a foggy day, we can be driving toward our destination, but we have to slow down, and can only see what is immediately in front of us. We know our destination is ahead, we know we'll get there, but we have to be diligent, slow, and cautious about the choices made, and the behavior of the car along the way. If you drive too quickly through fog you risk several delays, some more devastating than others, such as driving off the road, missing a turn, missing a warning sign, hitting the car in front of you, or worse, missing your destination altogether and having to turn around, only to circle back through the fog again.

Even though it sometimes feels harder to slow down and take each mile, each pace, one by one, I know that is the best way for me to get to my destination of blessings ahead. Though I get car sick driving so slow, and my eyes are tired from squinting to see ahead, and my energy grows weary from the wait, I know that slow and careful will get me there safely and in one piece.

I just pray for a little scenery along the way that will make the wait worth while.

"Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." Job 22:21

Recognize me?

2008-07-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

"...Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour."
~Matthew 25: 11-13~

I am reminded that even in times of waiting I need to be prepare myself to receive the blessings ahead which I have been promised. I cannot count on the preparations of others to get me in. I want to be ready for my turn to meet the bridegroom, whenever He arrives.

Smoke gets in your eyes...literally

2008-06-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

Each morning this week I wake in hopes that the smoke from recent fires has disipated...but not so far. However, fitting to the give-and-take of God's love that I'm learning to appreciate, I did enjoy spectacular lighting effects the smoke filtered onto the average scenery, as well as on the sunrises and sunsets. Here are a couple shots I took this week just after the sun had risen into the sky.

Act Like a Princess

2008-03-30T21:19:00.001-07:00

Tonight as I watched Enchanted (great movie, by the way!), I was inspired to write this post. As women, many of us were once little girls who dreamed of being a princess, in a pretty ball gown, with our hair perfect, the perfect waist line, grace, poise, wonderful singing voice, and most of all a loving and handsome prince head over heals in love for us! Well, I certainly love a good fairy tale and I admit that my desire for one probably gets me in trouble from time to time with reality.

However, I was reminded tonight that maybe if the little girl in every woman pushed her to go for that dream of becoming a princess that perhaps she would find her prince and her happily ever after. If indeed a woman acted like a princess, would she be any less important, prestigious, strong, intelligent, capable, trustworthy or respected? My answer is of course not! The phrase "acting like a princess" is often used to refer to someone who is spoiled, selfish, or conceited, and when a man "treats a woman like a princess" it is assumed he caters to her every whim, holds her in an unrealistic regard, or that he gives himself and his dreams and goals up all for her happiness. I think these negative connotations are discouraging and it is my goal to change how people view a princess.

I will add that in reality a princess may lead a life unlike any we American women can even imagine, and also that a princess' life is probably far more demanding then we'd ever desire. But I am mostly referring to a fairy tale princess, the kind we girls grow up admiring and dreaming of becoming. Here is a list of qualities of a princess:

she is kind

she is beautiful on the inside, and cares about how she presents as well

she is forgiving, understanding, and gracious

she cares about animals and children, and in general all people's comfort

she looks for the good in life and in people

she trusts

she believes in herself

she is honest

she is hopeful, even in the presence of evil

she does not tolerate evil

she shows respect to all creatures

she mediates and attempts to help people get along

she lifts up her man, supports him, and believes in him

she is easy to please and enjoys life

she is generous

she is joyful

she accepts help and is grateful

I'm sure I'm leaving some observations out. But after watching this movie, and thinking back to other fairy tales and stories with princesses, I wonder if it's really such a bad thing to act like a princess. Once I was told that I would always be treated like a princess, and I hope that I get a chance to act like a princess in return for the favor.

In what ways can you act like a princess? What qualities of a princess could make you a better woman?

revealing HIS role

2008-02-23T21:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I tried to make sense of some of the pain in my heart, I prayed for ability to understand a concept I was recently advised of. "God is your Perfect Husband." I didn't quite get it...I mean I didn't quite understand how that was supposed to feel true. How could God be a husband to me? Isn't God "above" being a husband? Shouldn't a husband be like God? I told God I was sorry I didn't understand and asked to know what He meant by this statement.

As I calmed down, I reached for a book of verses for women. When I began to open the book looking for another passage I read recently that I found comforting and wise, my thumb "tripped" and I turned to a page with the following verse...no lie! Here is what I read and immediately praised Him for revealing His explanation to me.

"'The God who made you is like your husband. His name is the Lord All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is the one who saves you. He is called the God of all the earth. You were like a woman whose husband left her, and you were very sad. You were like a wife who married young and then her husband left her. But the Lord called you to be his,' says your God." - Isaiah 54:5-6

The book went on to explain that "when you feel a longing to be needed and wanted, remember, God called you to be his...God is willing to fill any and all empty niches in your life." Even if a woman has a good husband, it is impossible for him to fill all her needs. "It is also true that some husbands are absent" and in these circumstances, God can step in and be the strength, provider, protection, and friend. I can turn to God for the things I need in my husband, when he refuses or is unable to offer them. "God promises to always be with you and to be actively involved in your life."

Thanks to God for directing me to further understanding of yet another role he can fulfill in my life.

In my heart you have remained

2008-02-21T22:20:00.000-08:00

As I grow closer to God through my trials, I have started to feel as if some songs, even love songs, are as if God Himself is singing them to me. In some songs I find double meaning, carrying messages I need to hear, and want to share. Today is a precious day, and in my heart the memories remain and the hope still flickers and the love still stands. Maybe this will reach the right hands, but if not, then find in this some incentive to hold tighter to those you love and assure them you're in this life together.

To my special someone, on this special day...

"Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost."

May God bless you and keep you. May you find peace among ruins and hope to rebuild and try again. I love you.
xoxo

Love thy neighbor?

2008-02-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

I just had to share a thought that stuck with me from church yesterday. The pastor said his life was changed by a small quote of C.S. Lewis that was to the effect of the holiest person you'll ever see is your neighbor. He said after reading that thought, that idea, that a person as plain or ordinary as your neighbor could be the holiest person you'll meet, he started looking at all people in a different light. He found more patience, more mercy, and more flexibility with people in general.

The idea he shared was that not only did God give the sacrifice of His precious Lamb, Christ, to me, but he gave it to my neighbors too. God didn't send Christ only for me. He obviously sees something of value and importance in each of my neighbors, friends, family, and strangers alike. Wow! What a concept to see a teeny-tiny glimpse into God's perspective on all of us. We are in a sense all holy...whether or not we choose to reflect it. Meanwhile, I hope and try to serve God in a way that will give my neighbors no doubt that I am worthy of such a label. :)

How can this perspective change your attitude and approach with others?

Armor of Faith

2008-02-05T12:09:00.000-08:00

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet." 1 Thessalonians 5:8

I love the visualizations God is giving me through this, yet another of my trials. I can protect myself with His love and His promises. I am at battle against forces that will try to destroy my faith. I am standing firm for what is right, for what God wills for my life. I wear my armor with grace and am ready for whatever may come. God's strength is in me and I pray it continues to grow stronger and sturdier. While my flesh is weak, my soul will not be hurt. I have joy because of Him, a blessing I count regularly.

Bleeding Heart

2008-02-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

I have been reading a daily devotional blog, which a friend turned me on to. Last Friday it posted this verse and it is the simple reminder I needed again today. I believe in Him. I trust Him. I have faith in Him. I know that God needs me to grow through this trial I endure. I look forward to His blessings, though they may not find me here on earth...but maybe they will.

Still Amazed

2008-01-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

"May the Lord bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and of the patience that comes from Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3:5

I continue to be in awe of God for His ability to show us in so many big and tiny ways that He is present, provided you accept His presence. Some people unfortunately walk around, professing that they know God exists, but then ask repeatedly why they never see proof of His being. I feel blessed to have eyes wide open most the time, especially lately, to see that He is there for me. Through friends, family, strangers, nature, my dog, computer blogs, books, anything, I am able to see the messages God shares with me to get me through each day. I am able to find joy amongst my grief, to find building blocks out of recent destruction, to find peace within chaos. I can see He is powerful, more powerful than any trial I can dream up or experience. If He is patient enough to sort through my problems and to wait for me to trust Him to fix those problems, then the least I can do is learn to accept His help with patience.

I pray God continues to paint my soul with His beautiful grace and give me patience, clarity, and peace as I tread my way through the trials placed upon me. I know either way the outcome I will be blessed if I trust in God's love. Sometimes it's easier said than believed, but that is why I walk around listening and looking for God's voice to remind me to trust Him. I am growing my ever deeper understanding of His love.

God is my Hope

2008-01-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

"But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed
AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,
but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;
and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.
For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

1 Peter 3:14-17

I read this the other night and found comfort knowing that God can be revealed to others simply by my going through trials and hard times. Though some of my circumstances may be heart-wrenching and at times hard to see that I will not always feel so devastated, I do know I have joy in Christ. I have hope. I have faith. I have Him. For all of that, I am already blessed.

Fully Focussed

2008-01-06T16:30:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."
-1 Peter 1:13-

A few friends reminded me recently that I am the only one who has to answer to God for the things I did during my life, and that I am the only one who has control over how I handle things and live my life even in the worst of times. God knows that I love Him. I cannot stop living in a life reflective of Him, or put that life on hold, because I am between ending and beginning, waiting for direction. Finally, happiness here is nothing compared to the happiness and peace I will be rewarded with through Jesus Christ and the salvation He is saving for me.

I am thankful I have friends that are able to hear God's messages for me and pass them along. :)

New Year's Plans

2008-01-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, welcome 2008!

(could that be? Wow!)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

God bless your new year!

Seem so small

2007-12-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

In Him all things are possible, and yes, there are people going through harder times than I have been, or could possibly ever dream of. Isn't it amazing how God never makes us feel like our problems aren't as big as others' problems?

For each "season" of my life, good or bad, I've noticed a song always seems to come on the radio that applies to my situation at the time. The morning of the day I found out my mom had 2 weeks left, I heard a song about "I believe there are more than angels watching over me." Lately, this song by Carrie Underwood has been popular, and I find it divine that I was enjoying it before I even understood the words. The other night, listening to it, and reflecting on the things going on in my life right now, the words were suddenly so clear to me. I'll share the parts that stuck out to me:

"What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone

Don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands

When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole

While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back"

So long 2007

2007-12-29T18:30:00.000-08:00

As I see the coming of the New Year I am thinking of hopes, resolutions, and things I'd like for 2008. I read an article in our local newspaper that suggested unless we share our resolutions we have no hope of accomplishing them. So, in front of you all, I list the few I've been considering as December winds down:

Love more unconditionally

Listen better

Forgive and have mercy

Go to church every month, at least

Develop a bigger heart for thankfulness

These are all kind of big, and vague, but I feel I'll get further if I apply these and let all the other small tasks and resolutions come into play as I get better with these.

Many blessings to you all in 2008! The best is yet to come...

It's Christmas Eve and I remember...

2007-12-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

I never thought I'd see another Christmas Eve as uncertain as 5 years ago, but God apparently had other plans for me. In effort to hang on to the true meaning of this season I note the thoughts I have today.

Today I remember childhood Christmases, so eager to enjoy the parties, the presents, the people.

Today I remember frantic baking traditions with my mom, wrapping last minute gifts, trying to be patient and good just one last evening before Santa visited.

Today I remember making a plan with my sister as we schemed what time we'd wake up Christmas morning, and what presents we'd open first, and when we were older, we would put together secret surprise stockings for mom and dad, "from Santa's elves."

Today I remember the year my Grandpa H. finally lost to cancer and though I was small, I remember watching my mom console my dad when they thought they were alone.

Today I remember working for a dear friend his first Christmas after losing his dad.

Today I remember one of my favorite Christmases 6 years ago, when everyone I loved was healthy and happy and together.

Today I remember candy cane cookies, homemade caramels, frosted fruit bars, chocolate covered butter crunch, peanut brittle, caramel corn, gingersnaps, my uncle's panatone', my neighbor's divinity.

Today I remember the phone call about 6:30 am when my dad called to confirm my mom was finally at rest.

Today I remember the visitors who came in love, with food and support.

Today I remember trying to carry on as in Christmases past, but all of us knowing that it would never be the same again.

Today I remember wrapping presents quietly in my first house feeling that God was close and that peace was with her.

Today I remember a diamond ring full of promise and sweetness and anticipation.

Today I remember my first Christmas as a wife, trying to make our new apartment as festive as possible at the last minute.

Today I remember silly pajamas that started a new tradition.

Today I remember feeling that all I was waiting for, all I was hoping for, all I was trying for was coming together.

Today I remember our first Christmas in our "first home," hosting dinner for both families and celebrating his first Christmas with his brother.

Today I remember that God blessed us tremendously with a Gift, that is His Son, who he sent here just for us, to save us and bring us home to Him.

Today I remember that there have been many Christmases, some wonderful, some harder than others, but that they just keep coming and life moves forward.

Today I remember love and family and friends as good as family.

Today I remember that through Christmas God gave us hope. That is what I hold today, Hope. I wish everyone hope and joy in the true blessings of Christmas.

Glory to God in the Highest

2007-12-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

Of all our yearly blessings, this season marks the greatest Gift. God's blessings to you!

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.
An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.
Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.
This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Luke 2: 8-14

Merry Christmas!

Heart wounds

2007-12-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

Typically I write "good" things here, but tonight all I can post is that while my body in near perfect health, my heart is wounded. I am amazed how physically sick my stomach can feel, and how burning and hurt my heart can pound at emotional distraught. I know that however God plans to lead my next steps that I will be fine, but for now, the log has been pulled from my eye and stabbed in my heart.

To remind you all of a precious gift we are given, that is harder to uphold than it seems, I give you this verse we've all heard before:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

~Corinthians 13:4-8

Only in Him

2007-12-10T21:57:00.000-08:00

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18~

Season of Thanksgiving

2007-11-24T14:23:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving blessings! :)

In honor of this Thanksgiving weekend I am simply going to recount my blessings here:

My dear husband
Stable, and mostly fun job
Loving and supportive family
Thoughtful friends
Almost a year in our first home
Silly puppy
10 pounds lost and counting
God's love and mercy
Renewed interest in cooking and menu planning
Awareness of the small blessings, and hope for future blessings.

I hope your Thanksgiving revealed the things you are grateful for in plenty. Feel free to post the things you gave thanks for this weekend.

Learning to pray

2007-11-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

I've been raised with prayer, I've prayed before, but when it comes down to it, I'm not sure that I'm really confident that I am good at prayer. I understand He wants us to speak to Him as familiar as possible, to be personal, heartfelt, and honest...and most of all faithful. As I develop a more personal, or a renewed personal, relationship with Him, I am learning to pray. Pray more often, more habitually, in good times and in bad. So why is it that prayer does not come easily when that is simply what God wants...sounds so easy!

I am learning to trust that my soul knows what He needs to hear when I pray. I also try to just talk with Him as if He was at my side physically, like a friend in the car you talk casually with as you get where you're going. I admit that I think my own personal inhibitions and insecurities play into my prayer, and I have to fight the tendency to worry what He'll think if I say something wrong or not good enough. Why is it that of all creation, God is certainly the Master of unconditional love, and it's even hard to trust THAT?

I will keep learning to pray and learning to trust that my heart and the Holy Spirit know what I need to say. I expect like talking or walking, this is a skill that gets better and easier with use. I keep recalling the verse that says 'when I am weak He is made strong" and thinking that I am like spiritual steroids for God---I am certainly giving Him plenty of opportunity to become stronger. :)

Even Mondays have blessings

2007-11-12T22:51:00.000-08:00

I know sometimes Monday's can seem daunting, especially for a work week, but even Mondays have blessings to count. Although, sometimes it is sort of relieving when a Monday is "survived" and the light of Tuesday is around the corner. Mondays are like ripping off the band aid, a bittersweet beginning to the week. Mondays mark the end of the weekend, but they also offer the availability of time left in the week to be productive and prepare for another weekend. :)

Here are the blessings I count tonight:

Spur of the moment dinner plans with friends and fun kids.
I'm feeling much better with my sinus bug/allergy thing of late.
My puppy snuggled all cozy this morning and the air was crisp and chilly.
A dear friend helped me AGAIN to complete a project I began.
My new lifestyle continues to be rewarding and I'm finding renewed energy and a positive outlook as a result.
God forgives if you ask nicely. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Romans 5...Perseverance = Hope

2007-11-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

I often feel humbled that indeed the Bible has the right things to say for almost any situation. However I've been learning that while many passages have words of encouragement, discipline, direction, or assurance, sometimes one clicks more than another.

Recently I have been exploring Passage more casually, finding the words I need to be reminded of the person I should be and how life can be. Several verses felt "right," but one that seemed to fit well for my life recently was offered out of Romans, in Chapter 5.

Romans 5, in whole, is humbling because it reminded me that people have had trials and challenges throughout time, and that all of them are worth it and pale in comparison to Christ's sacrifice for our eternal peace and God's mercy. However one particular part of the chapter offered me explanation for why it is that God wants us to see our challenges through with faith:

"Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand and we exult in the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5: 1-5

...I always wondered where hope came from. :) I will persevere, I will build character, and I will continue to have hope. Thank God!

Making my way through...

2007-11-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

I have not forgotten my 'post' responsibilities, but needed time to take care of my life offline. :) I'm beginning to feel renewed, thanks to a few friends and the Word, and felt that today I would finally post...I can't believe it's been over 4 weeks! oops!!

I've discussed before how it seems so much easier to journal privately about negative things I am coping with in life, as opposed to journaling the blessings and positive things that happen everyday. In contrast, I find it harder to blog about negative things, and easier to share the blessings here, which I suppose has to do with my own internal issues (what will people think, etc), but nevertheless, it's good for me, and encouraging to others when I post about blessings in my life.

To begin a new month of posts I would like to list the blessings that have been present in my life, even in the darker times:

I am not ever alone, even when it feels that way. I have wonderful, good-hearted, and wise friends, loving family, and a loyal puppy...not to mention a husband that always tries to be supportive, and of course God and His mercy and grace for me.
I have a flexible job that allows me to do my work in the peace of my own home, and that is supportive of my personal life's well-being.
I am able to read. This may sound sort of simple and plain, but lately I've been realizing I'd be no where if I couldn't read inspiration in the Bible or in other books...let alone positive emails and instant messages from friends who hold me accountable.
Even when it's a huge challenge, I am able to see the silver lining, and my faith remains true that there is a plan for my life that will make sense, in the near or far future.
I have the luxury to have resources to help me when I'm down.

These might seem vague, and I admit that in writing them even I am still feeling a bit 'exposed' sharing them, but I'm glad to share them and I know they are true. I look forward to sharing more with you and appreciate the couple readers that have asked me 'where I've been' on my blogging... I hope to be back to my blogs more regularly because they are a special outlet for me, that I never realized I needed.

Many blessings!~

Count 'em...1-5

2007-10-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Lately I feel I'm on an uphill climb and I can't see the top yet. When I feel I'm overwhelmed I notice that it becomes easier to see the negative things...even if they are little. I reminded myself tonight that in times like these, when I feel like things spin faster and faster and I can't keep up, I have to settle down, and count my blessings. This helps focus me, grounding me to what is happening in the present, and reminds me that God is right there where He promised He'd be...by my side.

So, here are my 5 blessings I count tonight, in no particular order:

Tomorrow is Friday!

I reached out to help a long lost acquaintance.

It's raining tonight and the fall weather has been so comfortable.

My husband painted for our family.

I'm not on-call this weekend.

To sum this up I feel it appropriate to quote a song my mom and one of my good friends loved by Garth Brooks:

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the Man upstairs
Just because He doesn't answer, doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

Have a blessed weekend!

The King and The Pawn

2007-10-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

Being that La Donna Benedetta is Italian for The Blessed Woman, I searched for Italian Proverbs tonight. I came across this short quote, which I feel has many possible interpretations, both earthly and spiritually.

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

At first I read this and immediately thought of an earth-bound interpretation, thinking more literally along the lines of games and life, etc. But when I read it again, I saw it as more than just a literal "we're all equal" kind of sentiment.

Simply summed up this proverb supports a lot of what I've been learning spiritually lately: if we live under God's expectations, and use the blessings He gives us to our potential, we all go into the same "box," or heaven. No matter how important, known, or successful we see ourselves, if we meet His expectations for our lives we will all finish the game here on earth and go into heaven together.

Kings and pawns, rich and poor, healthy and weak, smart and simple: all are welcome in heaven's "box." My interpretation may only be relative to me, but as a lover of analogies and comparisons, this Italian proverb "hit home" with me tonight (sorry for the game pun!) LOL.

Many blessings!

Until we meet again...

2007-09-28T08:27:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV)

The Coming of the Lord

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.
We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.
Therefore encourage each other with these words.

...In memory of Ginger

Seasonal sentiments

2007-09-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

My sister blog, My Cancer Story, posted 'myHarvest' a couple weeks ago and I thought it fit well for the onset of fall. Here's the post:

I came upon this scripture today and wanted to share it's encouragement:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ~Galatians 6:9

What harvest are you trying to reap? Do you have faith that there is a harvest for your efforts in good? I've often noticed that God is more often acknowledged under bad circumstances. Some people turn to Him for support, help, hope, others turn against Him for a lack of understanding His plan. Though He wants us to lean on Him when we are weak, He also needs us to believe He is there when we reap our harvests.

~What I get from this:
I try to remember to acknowledge God's plan and presence in the good times, as well as in the bad. It's sometimes harder to remember to praise God for the blessings He gives in answer to prayer during hard times. I remind myself to pray thanks as often as I pray for help.

Further, I like this message because it implies that we should not use time of struggle to justify discontinued acts of good. His harvest is promised to be bountiful and rewarding!

10 Things I Love About My Spouse

2007-09-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

A friend gave me a list of prompts for journaling or scrapbooking. One of them caught my attention and I thought it would be appropriate to share here, since this blog is about counting my blessings.

10 Things I Love About My Husband...seems like something that most wives would want to brag about often, but in my brief marital experience, the things I love about my husband aren't always the things I talk about instantly. As wives we are advised to not speak poorly of our husbands to others, but so often it seems easier to share the frustrating parts of marriage, rather than the blessings.

So in effort to earn forgiveness for my slight of mouth, I want to share, wholeheartedly (and humbly) the...

10 Things I Love About My Husband:

His work ethic ~ I will never have to worry about him not providing for our family. He works to provide for us every day of the week, and rarely complains.
His devotion to family, even when he won't admit it.
His bright blue eyes and how deeply they look at me.
He often is first to say he loves me after we argue.
His willingness to help loved ones and friends. He's also a thoughtful and generous tipper.
The silly side he only shows me; he makes me laugh!
He remembers things I say I'd like and then surprises me with them as gifts for Christmas or my birthday.
He dreams big and plans how to achieve his goals.
He likes most of my cooking and doesn't complain about meals.
He gets mad at me when I get the door for myself.

Actually as I listed I realized I could keep listing more qualities or thoughts about my husband. Instead, I'll save those for another day when I need to remind myself of the blessings God has given me in my husband and through marriage.

Change the tendency to vent about challenges in your marriage and share the blessings instead.
What are 5-10 things you love about your spouse?

One week til Fall...

2007-09-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Windows open, extra blanket on the bed, snugly puppy, leaves changing color, shorter days, chili and soups for supper...HURRAY autumn is on the way!

To me, autumn is more renewing and hopeful than spring, summer, or winter. I love changing seasons; I love something about each season, but by far, I think I look forward to fall each year more than the other seasons.

Winter through summer feels like a speeding up of time...winter being the slow start, spring getting up momentum, and summer in full speed. In summer there is a potential for discontentment, "how much can I get done in a day?" behavior. Go-go-go all summer, taking full advantage of long days, comfortable nights, and fair weather opportunity.

With autumn, relief. Summer's speed winds down. I can still do things outside, without worry of dehydration or sun stroke, not to mention it's my best hair season (in between the sweaty brow and rainy seasons). :) In the fall I sleep better, cozied up with windows cracked or wide open. It's cool enough to relieve the plants and allow recovery from summer's scorch in time to hibernate for winter. Autumn brings on the hope of a new year soon to come, the bliss of the holidays, and the chance to plan for the future while harvesting a year's worth of work. The air seems cleaner, fresher, easier to breathe. People seem happier, easy-going; it's like the feeling when you take a long vacation and in a way you are sad that the fun adventures are at an end, but in a huge way you are so glad to be going home because vacations are exhausting!

Autumn also allows time for reflection, which may be why it has become the season I look forward to the most. There is time to notice the changing weather, the motion of the sun and the the patterns of the sky. Fall brings about a consciousness of changing seasons, more than the others do. Fall helps me appreciate the other seasons by reminding me that there is a time for all things to begin and end.

That said, a few lines from Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, sums up my feelings about fall:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

May autumn bring you blessings!

9/11...remember when

2007-09-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

It was a little odd today, being that after 6 years, September 11th fell on a Tuesday again. I couldn't help reflect on that horrific day in American history, which has since changed our lives in many ways.

I remember my mom waking me up at about 6:00, stating that something serious was happening and I should be aware of it. I watched the news clips and first worried about a friend living in NYC, a friend on duty in the Navy, my grandma in Virginia (being so close to D.C.), and my sister in L.A. (where there was rumor of another plane headed there that morning). I was shocked; nothing I had seen on the news had quite shaken me that way. I held back tears and tried to be brave, while at the same time feeling skeptical that I had actually just seen the terror on TV.

Next, prayer. People at work trickled in slowly, most late for shifts. Radios and news clips dialed in on various radio stations and websites. People chattered about theories, guessing what was really going on, what it really meant. No one could focus. Some people hugged, some cried, some complained about politics, some made phone calls to loved ones. The following day I remember being the kindest day in traffic history ever. People merged easily, making eye contact with others and waving them through. There seemed to be little speeding on the freeway; people seemed conscious that we were all alike...scared, proud, hopeful, proactive...Americans. At school the professors talked openly about the events and allowed the day's itinerary to be replaced by casual discussion about the disasters. The radio played the national anthem over and over, and God actually made it to mainstream conversations.

I remember talking with my pregnant friend about how she felt about bring a child into the world with these risks of terror. She admitted it scared her, but that she had faith in God's plan for the future; she didn't see sense in letting worry for when He will take us consume her life.

Remember...

Tonight I want to honor the victims, as well as the men and women who served to protect this country, over seas and at home. As a result of this day in history, many lives have been changed in ways never expected or imagined. God bless America and the people who defend it!

I am blessed to live in this country. :)

Investing talents

2007-09-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a wonderfully inspirational book, The True Measure of a Woman, by Lisa Bevere, (buy here through Amazon!) and something in a chapter I just finished finally clicked last night. It referred to 'The Parable of the Talents,' in Matthew 25:14-30.

I was recently persuaded to join MySpace by a couple friends who wanted me to keep in touch online with them there. I began searching old classmates and came across a few that seemed to have made quite a success of their life, achieving their dreams at such a young age and still moving on up. I had a sudden, sinking feeling, like "Wow, I thought I was doing alright, but look at them! They're really doing something!" Comparison, doubt, and jealousy swept over me like a shadow, consuming me for a moment, enough so that I had a hard time seeing through the dark for the blessings that I have. Then it occurred to me:

~God gives us each talents according to what He believes we can achieve with them. He trusts we will have faith in His intentions, enough to maximize the opportunity He provided.

In Matthew 25:14-30, the parable of the servants and the talents Jesus distributed is told. As I understood it, Jesus invested money with three servants, who each received a different amount, and He expected them to have faith in His distribution. Two servants invested their money and doubled the investment, while the last servant, having received the least amount, became skeptical of His intentions and hid the talent so as not to deal with the opportunity he was given. In the end, Jesus came back to "settle accounts" and the first two servants were rewarded for having invested their money wisely and profitable for their Master. The third servant was punished for his lack of faith in his Master, as well as for his ignorance and laziness.

What I learn from this:

By trusting in God's gift, the first two servants were able to make full use of the 'talents' they received, and in the end, they profited not only by investing wisely, but by showing faith in His investment in them. The third servant was punished because he did not see how he could prosper from his Master's money or plans, so he hid it and ignored the potential for reward.

What clicked for me was that God may have given some of my peers greater amounts of 'talents' than given to me, but that I am supposed to make the most of what He has entrusted to me. Further, I will be rewarded as fully as the others who meet their potential for God's investments in them. God gives us the amount of 'talents' which He believes we have the ability to spend wisely and give back to Him in return.

I may be mixing up a bit of the story; I am not a minister, but a woman reading the Word and making sense of the blessings entrusted to me. How much has God given you? When He comes to settle accounts will you be able to prove you spent His investment in you well?

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" ~Matthew 25:23~

Sufficient for the day...

2007-09-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

There come days when all I can think about is tomorrow...the future, the what-ifs, the uncertain. I have heard many times not to worry about tomorrow, but it never stuck until last year when several troubling events piled up around the same time.

It is part of human nature to try to plan and prepare for the future. While I believe that some amount of preparedness is healthy and helpful, it can also lead to a lack of faith not only in oneself to handle a situation, but also in God's plan for our tomorrows.

Tonight one of my best friends will be close in heart, prayer and thought as she tries to let tomorrow worry about itself.

~Dear Friend, find comfort in His word:

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. ~Matthew 6:34

Crosses to Bear

2007-09-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a women's Bible study breakfast with a close friend. Each month my friend's church holds a women's breakfast where the older women cook breakfast dishes and teach a message to the group. Yesterday's message was about depression and how the word of God can help dissipate the gloomy cloud of depression. What I took home from the study was this:

We all have crosses to bear. Bearing crosses, I understand, is part of God's plan for us, which is part of His bigger plan for the world. We are not perfect, we are fallible, and we can find strength to carry our crosses in Him. By bearing our crosses with grace and faith in His plan we make God happy; furthermore, we make Him stronger, which turns out to make us stronger too!

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

What crosses do you bear? What keeps happening to you, or what has happened to you that you deal with everyday? Are there crosses that you are trying to carry by yourself? Are there crosses you are bearing that would be easier with His help?

Back to the Future

2007-08-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

I love the movie, Disney's 'The Kid,' and it prompts me to ask the question:

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself as a kid, what would you tell your kid-self?

I have never been the type to want to do any age over again. Each year is different, yet the same, and full of possibilities to learn and grow, and have more fun than the year before! However, I know that the desire to share our retrospect with our past selves is tempting...impossible, but tempting.

If I could share what I know now with my kid-self, it might go like this:

Kid, stop worrying about the future and enjoy this time with your family and less responsibility. There will be hard times, and wonderful times, and you'll make it through them all. Don't wait to stand up for what you believe in; someday soon you'll be respected for it instead of harassed. You'll become strong, funny, smart...and boys will finally think you are cute! There is no such thing as a perfect person, God is listening, and your parents really are cool (and right!). Oh, and don't be embarrassed when your mom flashes the sign language for "I love you" in front of your friends...just do it back and mean it. It means more to her now, and it will mean more to you later.

And finally, just love life, SMILE, and don't let the bullies, pouts, and poor sports convince you that you shouldn't enjoy the blessings you have been graced with. Be smart! Be brave! Be bold! It all turns out ok, in His plan.

Of course, I may be a little young to be certain of what I would say, and maybe in 20 more years I'll have more I would want to share with my self now, during this present.

Stay young at heart! Your past is not your future...

A Fool Calls it Luck

2007-08-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

There are phrases, comments, advice that people give which stand out. Sometimes they are random, sometimes they are relative. Sometimes they are from strangers, acquaintances, friends or loved ones.

I recalled one last night as I was trying to think of what to share here today. A dear friend's husband used to say this when I would wish them good luck:

Luck is a fool's way of labeling God's blessings. What you mean is to wish God's blessings...

I paraphrase, of course, because I didn't note the direct quote at the time. I've heard the concept a few other times since then, but his perspective is the most vivid. While I do still wish good luck, it means more in my heart; there is really no such thing as luck, just God's promise to bless our lives if we have faith in His plan.

God bless!

Have a Good Day!

2007-08-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

I was looking for something inspirational to share in today's post and I found the following in my search. The website, Appleseeds.org, looked to have several good articles and lists of motivation and encouragement. Right away, the list below stood out to me. To read the full explanations click the link below. Have a good day!!

10 Ways to Have a Better Day Today
by Geno Stampora

Wake up 30 Minutes Early
Read, Listen, or Watch Something Uplifting
Eat a Good Breakfast to Start You Off Right (oh my mom would LOVE this tip!)
Choose Your Winning Attitude
Be Aware of What They are Telling You
Make the Most of What You Do
Always Remember that People are Listening
Be Honest and Fair to Others
Pace Your Energy to Last All Day
Get in Bed Early and Study for the Future (easier said than done it seems, but right on. It includes journaling or reading at bedtime.)

Many blessings!

When I Get Where I'm Going

2007-08-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

This week marks one year since my beloved Grandpa passed away from Alzheimer's. I visited my Grandma this week, who faithfully kisses his picture every day and night and admits she can't wait to be with him in heaven. I miss my Grandpa, but find comfort knowing he is with his two children, waiting for us all to join them for a reunion when our times come.

There is a song that I love by one of my favorite country musicians, Brad Paisley (duet with Dolly Parton, another fave). It's called When I Get Where I'm Going, and it is about how we shouldn't begrudge people the happiness of finally joining our Father in heaven. This is the chorus:

When I get where I'm going there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and troubles I have carried all these years.
I'll keep my heart wide open, I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going, don't cry for me down here.

Another piece I remember is a poem from the TV show Little House on the Prairie (yes, I love it...and I am teased incessantly by most people my age for it...LOL). A woman new she was dying and wrote the reverend a poem to read at her grave:

Remember me with smile and laughter
for that is how I'll remember you all
If you can only remember me with tears,
Then don't remember me at all.

My Grandpa was known for always having a big smile on his face and being friendly to loved ones and strangers alike. I was surprised God left him here with us so long, because he is such a joy to be around that I was sure He would want him home sooner. So really, the only tears he deserves are tears of gladness that he is safe and sound, and perfect in heaven. I'm not saying this is easy to think and react beyond my own emotions, but it helps to have words and songs to think about when the missing gets stronger than the rejoicing.

Of course, the strongest words of encouragement can be found in Thessalonians 4:13-18. You would do your soul well to look it up and read it slowly, acknowledging the vision it paints, and realizing it will happen, when we all get where we're "going."

In honor of my Grandpa, I pass along to you one of the things he would tell me all the time:

Always wear a smile...so people wonder what you're up to. :)

Week's end challenge

2007-08-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

TGIF! As the weekend approaches, challenge yourself to write down at least 5 good things from this passed week...even if one of them is simply that it is finally Friday. :)

Here are my week's blessings:

New creative outlet in blogging (aren't you lucky!?)
Wild turkeys are helping to turn over my mulch beds (hey, their little feet are better than any rake!)
Fall color has already hit a Liquidambar and my Maples (autumn is so close!)
I was able to help out a friend who is more than always there for me
God keeps testing me and I'm still hanging on

**BONUS: and It's Friday!!!

Have a safe and delightful weekend!

Woman to woman...shhhhhhh

2007-08-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

Recently I read an article that suggested 10 things to say to "wow" your "guy." I was intrigued, because my husband tries to keep a straight face whenever I compliment him, so I never know if he is flattered or annoyed. So I tried a few of them, and I immediately saw results. Here are the ones I used:

"Your arms are definitely looking bigger."

I said this to him and he got all bashful, and shy, looking modest and said "I don't think so...really?" So cute! Having been married now for several years, I'm finally accepting that men don't want the same compliments women crave. "You look nice," or "I like your hair" doesn't go over the same on most men. However, I do believe that men still care what we think of their bodies and even if they don't admit it, a little affirmation that their bods still spark us up, goes a long way.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

I love laughing, especially when it means encouraging his laugh. The more I talk to fellow wives, the more I realize how silly husbands can be behind closed doors with their wives. Giving a hearty laugh really encouraged the fun behavior and sparked an energy that went beyond a good laugh. ;)

"Wow." or "Impressive!"

It sounded cheesy and stereotypical, but it worked. I don't remember what I chose to respond to with this, but I do remember that he paused in his tracks and looked affirmed. It doesn't matter what you use it for; could be a tremendous feat or an everyday chore, but saying this little word seemed to show my appreciation for his efforts as a man, more than "thank you" or "you did a good job" could ever communicate.

"The kids just adore you."

We don't have kids yet, but I know how important being a good dad will be to my husband when we do have a child. I'll have to remember this affirmation...let me know if it works. :)

"What do you think?"

I often find myself caught up in what "I think" when it comes to decisions in our marriage, and this simple question of interest not only allows him input, but also forces me to slow down and listen.

"Cute feet."

Hard to explain, but it did cause a giggle, smile, and bashful reaction. Often men's feet are not considered appealing, and complimenting this feature proved worth the effort. I think the only time a woman could get away with using "cute" to describe a part of the male body is in this case...use sparingly or they may get suspicious.

"I want you."

Simple, to the point, and obviously meeting one of man's primary interests, and affirming you still find him appealing. Just be sure you have time for the response...

Please feel free to share your own experiences with "wow-ing" your man. In my experience I am happier when he is happy, and he is happy when I am happy; to encourage the circle I'm willing to spare a few one-liners to make his moment. Happy wow-ing!

Developing 20/20 Hindsight...

2007-08-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

Today I remember something from a year ago that was troubling, scary, and frustrating. Looking back I find it only appropriate to note the blessings that have happened since then, which I couldn't imagine happening at that time.

To name a few:

new role at work with flexibility to work from home
first house
first dog
clearing debt
my husband's employment offered more stability for our future
our first “new” couch (donated furniture is a blessing, but there is something special about furniture you pick out)
Inherited a truck (very handy for new home owners)
Hosted our first Christmas dinner in our new home
Planted in soil, rather than containers
Still faithful there is a plan

My first blog!

2007-08-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

I am interested in sharing ideas on living today's hectic life as a woman who is grateful and content with what she has, as well as optimistic and ambitious about what could be. As wife, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, and someday a mother, I try count the blessings I was given as a woman.

I hope this site will inspire women to remember that they can be bold, while still being innocent, hopeful, while not naive, assertive and intelligent, while listening and learning. I believe there is a balance between strength and submission as a woman that can bring peace, grace, and beauty to the life of The Blessed Woman, or La Donna Benedetta.